Shaken and Stirred

So today, my boss called to alert our little clinic staff of three about the article in the New York Times. The one that said that the new governor is holding back funds promised to the proposed merger between my hospital employer and another... the merger that was supposed to happen, I believe, April 1. And so my hospital's parent company replied to said governor, "oh yeah??? My dick is bigger than yours! And if you don't give me my money, I'll just close the whole damn operation down... and lay off all 2,500 employees."

I am not quoting verbatim.

This is the third time I've been faced with a layoff in this job. The first time, our hospital's parent organization tried to shut down all of pediatrics, including my program, plus OB/GYN and dentistry. The parents in my school community. sprang into action. The state chastised the hospital parent for trying to shut down essential services, and devoted an entire paragraph to slapping their wrist with regard to my tiny school health program in particular. 

The second time, we got laid off outright, just my school health program, at the beginning of July. They actually called me July 8th to tell me that I had been laid off on the 1st! I thought you had to tell employees, like, right away, when they'd been whacked, but apparently not. Anyway, because my salary is pro-rated over the summers, I would still be paid for the whole summer. Again, "our" parents sprang into action, and again, the day was saved. Unfortunately, not before I had accepted another job, but long story short, that new job took so long to come to fruition while I worked "temporarily" at my old, restored job, I finally turned them down.

I've been at my current job four years. Mostly, I love it.

I have to say, since I've been pregnant, I just don't care as much about it. I like it well enough, and find it rewarding, but it doesn't get me up in the mornings. My rapidly growing belly does that -- I like to inspect it each and every day when I get out of bed, to see how it changed during the night.

Anyway, so when I got this news, I just felt tired. Big suprise, that, on account of my feeling tired all the time lately. Seriously? An hour long nap every afternoon, even into the second trimester? Wasn't there some policy created for fetuses (yay! not an embryo anymore) that once they hit the second trimester (yay! again), they weren't supposed to sap their mamas (weird!) of energy quite so much?

Apparently my Lentil is stubborn. Just like his or her mama.

After feeling tired, I moved on to the second stage of pregnancy affected emotion... feeling frozen. I kept thinking, "oh, this is no problem, you'll find a solution" etc etc but I kept feeling, "oh crap, I'm going to have to move in with my mother and not have a job and not have a car and not have any friends and then I will have to kill myself." (Not literally kill myself, but want to.)

The thing is, if I got laid off during my maternity leave, I'd be majorly bummed out... but I'd also be able to see a big silver lining. More time at home with my baby! And then a fresh start job hunting when I was ready... and home with a delicious dumpling of a baby in between interviews.

But being laid off during my second trimester? Yuck. I do not do well with long stretches of unstructured time. I become progressively lazier and then I start to despise myself. It's not good. And having to lie on the couch at home and have nothing to do but watch my belly grow (and imagine horrifying outcomes)... no thanks.

And job hunting while pregnant? Um, yeah, way to not get a job! Gee, don't you won't to hire me, knowing that I'm going to take three months off in less than six months time? What do you mean, "no, thanks? But I'm faaaaaabulous! Seriously, I am."

I could try for temp work... but I'm imagining that's 12.5 hour shifts, on an inpatient hospital floor, probably nights. As a pregnant woman. Learning a brand new job.

Sounds like a disaster.

Anyway, I talked to my best friend, Scott, tonight... we've been drifting a bit, but he's generally awesome... and he cheered me up. He pointed out that even if the hospital does close, it's unlikely to happen in four weeks time. Too many folks to argue and wrangle with before all could be convinced.

As my mother would say, "from his mouth to God's ear."

And now I will take me and my suddenly slightly rotund belly off to bed. No nap today -- whee!