Yesterday was hard. I don't know why. I just hit a wall.
I felt like all I did was usher small, resistant people from one activity to the next, interspersed with nearly constant bouts of cleaning and tidying.
A week and a half ago, we were isolating with another family -- seeing them out at parks and such, never inside -- and now they have up and moved to New Zealand. I've realized she was really my closest friend here. And her kids are my kids' ages. So it's a big loss.
And it feels like the rest of my friend community has evaporated somehow.
And I really, really want to be working right now. I would offer to work for free, except I've had the painful experience of working for free and seeing that people don't value free advice nearly as much as paid.
I am trying to find other ways to contribute but it all feels futile sometimes.
And then Sergio came over yesterday and the kids were thrilled... but then I felt a little neglected. Not so much by him but just, they use up all the oxygen in the room. So I want to find a way to balance that. They are actually pretty chill a lot of the time but when he arrives... they are wild for his attention. Loud and bouncy and totally annoying.
I am feeling a bit better today, thankfully. I've made a list of things that I want to work on this week. I don't know that any of them will benefit someone... but I hope so.
And S and I had an amazing talk last night about all our hopes and dreams... it was pretty magical. And made up for not getting to talk all day. We stayed up far too late but my brain was demanding some adult time, not matter how sleepy my body was.