I'm Sure if I Tell You This, I Will Jinx Myself

But yesterday?

Calliope slept until 9 am.

Today I woke her at 8 am, out of a dead sleep, in the vain attempt to try and make it to our brunch date with a friend.

I felt crazy waking her up! I got so much done yesterday morning.

Plus, since she's not a great napper (they're rather short, usually 30-40 minutes), I thought, "well, she's finally catching up on months of short naps."

I'm kind of obsessed with the idea of making sure my baby gets enough sleep. I've read so many things about the perils of sleep deprivation in children.

But now I'm worrying about what happens when I go back to work?

At this point, she's still waking up once to nurse, usually around 4-5 am. Since she goes to sleep at 6:30-7 pm, she's been asleep for 10 hours. My cousin has convinced me that given Calliope's weight, this is as long as I can reasonably expect her to sleep.

So if I nurse her at 4:30 am, say, and she goes back to sleep, and then I have to leave at 7:30 am, do I wake her?

Last school year, I always woke her.

But now I'm worrying that she must really need the sleep. So I'm feeling like I should let her sleep.

I know part of why I woke her last year was selfish. I couldn't bear the thought of being away from her all day without a little time together.

But I also worry, at least for the first few days back in our old routine, that she would be really upset to wake up and find me not there.

On the other hand, at least once in the last few months, I had to leave her in the afternoon and she didn't know that the nanny was there until she woke up... and she was totally fine and unperturbed.

The nanny is coming over on Wednesday, mostly so Calliope can spend some time with her -- I don't think it's fair to abruptly take someone so central out of her life for two months... and then thrust her back into the thick of things again come September -- but also to help me pack. And then the final week of August, she will likely see the nanny every day, since Nastya is babysitting for Eleanor (who we share Nastya with) every day while her mom, a teacher, sets up her classroom... I plan to have Nastya watch both girls because Calliope also loves Eleanor. So at that point, she will have seen a lot of Nastya.

Calliope has never shown separation anxiety with Nastya, but on the other hand, it's gotten a lot more marked the last few weeks... when Calliope hasn't seen Nastya. (Oh god! Is it because she hasn't seen Nastya???) So I'm a little nervous about that, too.

Then there's the added issue, for Nastya, of having the girls on different schedules. If Calliope sleeps until 9 am, and Eleanor goes down for a nap (for two hours) at 9:30, and Calliope is ready to nap for her first nap at 11 am... Nastya is stuck in the house until mid-afternoon at least (they usually go down for their afternoon nap regardless of timing of the first nap). Which she, understandably, doesn't like all that much.

On the other hand, it's not necessarily my responsibility to worry about her preferences all that much. On the third hand (if that makes sense), I'm human, and of course I want her to be happy and enjoying working for us!

So what do you think? Should I wake her?

And if you tell me that I am borrowing trouble, especially since this has only happened twice, well, yeah, I know. But I'm kind of hoping she'll keep sleeping late (14.5 hours total) because it's really nice, in the meantime, while I'm on vacation!

PS A friend came over tonight and helped me pack the kitchen. We made good progress. Between tonight's work and what I did already, I'd say the kitchen is 2/3 done. And the kitchen is definitely the hardest and slowest part of packing for a move.

PPS It's possible that there is a little misplaced anxiety going on here. The closing is tomorrow at 2 pm. I still don't have the bank check (still waiting to be told how much the check needs to be) and oops, I realized I also don't have homeowners insurance. So it's possible that tomorrow will be a hectic day. Heh. Plus Calliope is staying with a friend of a friend while I'm at the closing and I'm a little nervous about how she will react to that. Poor girl has literally never been left in this situation before... but I'm frankly, pessimistic, about it going all that well. Luckily the babysitter is a friend of a friend and has a four year old... I'm hoping the distraction provided by the four year old will help. Poor baby. I feel guilty already, imagining her cry. Is this a first baby thing? Do you get over this with your second child?

PPPS I made it to my first baby totin' brunch in the city (Manhattan) today! I'm feeling very, very accomplished. And since my friend (married) is starting her first IVF cycle, we mostly talked about that... affording me the opportunity to not feel like that boring woman who only talks about her child!

Almost One

Being a birthday girl (almost) is no laughing matter

I get very nervous when anyone other than Mommy holds me!

Change seems to be in the air.

We finally got a closing date... and it's two days away!

The mortgage was on again, off again, for weeks now. As of Thursday, it still looked like it was going to fall through. Then my lawyer wrote a letter to Citi, threatening to sue them.

I received the closing date later that day... we close on Monday

Calliope and I returned from six days visiting family in MA, and the boxes I ordered arrived the following day. I've started packing, doing my best to keep the apartment safe for Calliope and also neat for my own sanity -- I do not do well with mess. At all.

It will be a challenge to get everything packed, but my goal is to pack before we leave for vacation, and to move as soon as we return.

In case you're thinking that toddlers (or nearly toddlers) are none too neat, yes, you are right. It's a struggle sometimes.

Case in point: eating.


She's become much more picky about food recently, but often times, she refuses a food, shaking her resolutely, without even tasting the food. If I leave it on her tray, she throws it. Often she has no idea what I'm offering. I physically forced her to taste desert last night, something I've never resorted to before, because my friend and her daughter had brought ice cream to celebrate (early) Calliope's birthday. I felt badly about it, but of course, her face lit up once she actually tasted what I was forcing upon her.

I could just let her be, and not worry about it, but I fear that not eating enough during the day means she will wake up wanting to nurse during the night.

Have I mentioned that I am sooooo excited to move to a two bedroom apartment???

Sleep was an issue on our latest trip... I tried to let her cry and it work everyone up. Which led to me nursing her in the middle of the night just to keep her quiet. It doesn't help matters that she's teething and latching poorly and I got very sore and anxious about nursing all over again. Luckily that seems to be healing. Nursing a teething baby is not for the faint of heart. Every time this happens, I think about weaning. And indeed, I will talk to her pediatrician on her birthday about when to wean.


Calliope's fever never came back after the morning of our trip to the ER. The next day, she had a single bump on her forehead and several on her bottom. My pediatrician said that, for her, two bumps or more equal a rash, which means it's roseola (in light of Calliope's other symptoms -- basically, a high fever and nothing else, plus not having had roseola before). Anyway, in hindsight the whole debacle seems a bit ridiculous. She looked a lot more sick with the sinusitis than she ever did with this virus. I wish we wouldn't have been sent to the ER but it's hard to disagree with your doctor.

We had an early first birthday celebration with family in MA that was lovely. I got choked up during our off key rendition of "happy birthday" and couldn't sing. What a year (almost) it has been!

We also got to see an old childhood friend of mine... we've been friends since I was 9 and she was 8. And now instead of playing with dolls together, we've both got real live babies! Wild!

Both girls got a turn to hold Calliope

With the mommies

Calliope's latest developments:

She's just started to hand me things, which she immediately wants me to hand back. Mainly things from her box of "treasures" that we keep next to the potty in the bathroom. Her favorite is not the empty deodorant but the miniature tube of nipple cream. I don't know why, but as far as she's concerned, it's pure gold. So it's a huge compliment that she "lets" me hold it, even for a moment.

Also, for the first time yesterday, she put a few of these treasures into the box. Until now, she only removed them, generally flinging them as far as her short little arms will allow.

She doesn't have any definite words yet, but she might be saying, "yeah." Sometimes when I ask her a question, like "Calliope, do you want to go for a walk," she looks up at me and answers sweetly, "Uh Yuh!" in the approximately appropriate tone.

And sometimes when I say "Mamama" to her, instead of just answering, "Dada!" with a grin, she sometimes answers, "Nanana" which is progress.... right?

She's still crawling, but climbed to the top of a full flight of stairs at my mother's house while my back was turned for one minute, I swear, calling my sister to ask her to pick up diapers. I almost had a heart attack when I looked up and saw how high up her gleeful self had climbed.

In summary, she's not winning any medals for her physical or intellectual prowess... and I am just fine with that. As long as she's healthy and happy, I'm happy. I think I was far too achievement oriented in my younger years, and it brought me lots of stress and little happiness. I hope I won't pass this trait on to her. Easier said than done in today's achievement oriented world.

A Trip to the ER After All

Apart from the arm band, does this climber look like she belongs in the ER waiting area???

Calliope seemed better this morning; her temperature was only 100.2, technically not a fever.

But then she went down for her nap after less than an hour of being awake (and that was spent mostly lolling in bed with me)... but couldn't fall asleep. Her diaper was the issue, but she seemed to be shivering a bit as well, so I re-checked her temperature... 102.2. I gave her some Motrin and put her down to nap again.

So I texted the doctor and she texted back to bring Calliope to the ER.

Sigh.

We finally left the house, and she immediately perked up, thrilled to be riding the subway and waving to lots of new people, even if they were looking the other way and oblivious to her friendly gestures.

The emergency room waiting area was a similarly thrilling, to her, place to be. After a long and dull wait, during which I am ashamed to admit I aimed her stroller at the TV so she could watch a talk show, I tied her into the K'Tan baby carrier and swayed her to sleep for a half an hour.

Finally they called us into the pediatric ER area -- the change of scenery woke Calliope up again. The attending doctor briefly examined her smiling, clapping patient, and said, "She looks fine to me. It's a virus. She doesn't need a urine culture."

During the interminable wait for discharge paperwork, I texted the pediatrician, "Dr. George is declining to do a urine culture. She feels it's viral."

We were still waiting when the phone rang and I could overhear the attending arguing the case with what could only be my doctor. She passed me the phone briefly, then took it back and argued some more, and hung up abruptly. We were getting the urine culture after all. (My only opinion was that I did not want to come back to the ER and do this all over again if her fever continued... so if there was any chance of that, I wanted the culture done now.)

The catheter was no fun and Calliope screamed a scream like I have never heard from her before. The resident wasn't able to get it in, and mercifully the nurse didn't let her try for too long. Then the attending came and did it.

We waited another long while to get the urineanalysis results. I put Calliope into the crib they assigned to us so she could play. It was funny to watch various medical staff walk by and do a double take at the sign of a baby cruising and trilling happily behind industrial steel bars.

The UA was negative for any signs of UTI, though positive for red blood cells (from the trauma of the catheter) and for ketones (because she hasn't been eating). I stole the opportunity to weigh her -- she was down six ounces since three days ago, to 16 pound 14 ounces.

With that, they [finally] sent us on our merry way. I'm very grateful to be finished with having to track her fever so carefully.

Of course, it's only fitting that the fever does seem to be gone now! This is the first time she hasn't needed Motrin in six hours or less since four days ago.

Now if the fever stays away overnight and Sensible Car Rental has some availability and if I can get organized in time... we will head to MA tomorrow for a few days with family before... it looks like... a real estate closing!

PSA from Tiara

"One thing you mentioned gave me pause...giving Calliope puffs, it wasn't the puffs that made me cringe but that you were feeding them to Calliope while driving...the reason this made me uncomfortable is because of a woman I knew while I was a nanny, she was driving with her toddler son & he had a little bowl of cheerios to munch on. In the scariest moment of her life, he started choking...she was on a highway in traffic so it took precious moments to stop & pull over before she could get out of the car, race to his side & unbuckle him from his seat to be able to perform the heimlich...thankfully he was okay but it drove home how dangerous it is for small children to eat while in their car seats. Now I know I'm paranoid about choking & I also know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are an awesome mom so there is no judgement here...I just thought it might be something you hadn't thought of. I know I wouldn't have if I hadn't heard of it 1st hand."

I had never thought of this, and I know many moms give their kids snacks in the car. Not saying I won't do it again, but I think I will not give Calliope a bowl of anything. One puff at a time, as inconvenient as it sounds, is probably safe. Still, a consciousness raiser for all of us. Thanks Tiara!

Fever Breaking?

Calliope's nap put her at just about six hours after her last dose of Motrin, and well more than four hours after her last dose of Tylenol. She lasted another twenty minutes after she got up before getting cranky. I checked her temperature -- only 100.8! I followed that up with some Motrin, given the crankiness, but am cautiously optimistic.

Plus she ate a little yogurt for dinner, her first solids all day.

So I'm hopeful that the tide has turned and that this will be it for this fever (never mind middle of the night adventures with changing sheets and washing sleep sacks!).

Fingers crossed!

Eleven Month Photos

Mommy, there's something wrong with this corn -- no taste at all!

(She has the stalk in her mouth, and refused to try any other area of the

corn until I held it for her.)

You did ask me to empty the recycling bin, right?

Visiting the NYC Aquarium 

My seven year old cousin is hilarious! I can't stop laughing when she 

hops up and down like that.

Mommy, I'm helping with the packing for our trip to Vermont! You wanted
me to take everything back out of the suitcase, right?

Playing follow the leader with my cousin... so much fun to be the leader!
(I'm a terrible follower... except I love to follow Eliana's dog... which the dog
hates.)

Project Fun Aunt -- eating toaster s'mores in our fort during a

rainstorm.

Picnicking in Putney, Vermont on our way back home. Putting her on top of

the picnic table allows both of us to eat and lets me keep a restraining 

hand on her at all times (well, not during photo taking). 

Isn't her hand-me-down dress kind of awesome?

The Fever Went Up

I woke Calliope at 10 pm to give her more Motrin, hoping to avoid an "exciting" night.

I didn't bother bringing the thermometer with me because I figured it didn't really matter what her temperature was, plus, taking her temperature would be guaranteed to wake her all the way up.

She whimpered a bit in her sleep when I went into the room, and I noticed she was sleeping with her arms tucked under her belly -- cold?

I lifted her up gently and she willingly sucked down the Motrin. It's possible I squirted it into her mouth a little too quickly.

A moment later, she vomited, soaking the front of my shirt as well as her sleep sack.

After removing our wet clothes, I ran to get the thermometer. Her temperature was up to 104.5.

Even though I know intellectually that high fevers aren't inherently dangerous, emotionally, I felt rattled.

I called my sister, who encouraged me to call the doctor, despite the fact that it was after 10 pm. Intellectually, I knew I didn't need to be worried, but emotionally, I wanted someone else to be in charge. But I also felt guilty bothering the doctor, especially so late (though grateful it wasn't the middle of the night).

I was immediately connected to the doctor on call -- hooray for small favors! -- and he was very reassuring and told me it was fine to go to the emergency room now if I felt it was warranted. This was reassuring to me because sometimes I need to be told that I am not a hypochondriac on behalf of my baby! (Do all parents worry about this?) Otherwise, I could give another dose of Motrin (either by mouth, if tolerated, or via rectal suppository) or Tylenol, and if she looked better, we could wait until morning and then go to their office first thing.

We got off the phone and I gave the second dose of Motrin very, very slowly. And I only let Calliope have a little sip of water, just to avoid vomiting again. She took it easily and then I lay her on my pillow to observe her while I called my sister back to reassure her.

While we were talking, Calliope suddenly grinned up at me and started clapping.

Phew!

So after a few minutes, I laid her back into the crib, where she settled down to sleep, and set my alarm for 4 am, and readied a syringe of Motrin to leave on my bedside table. I didn't want to give the fever a chance to come back up during the night.

She slept well and took the Motrin at 4 am and went right back to sleep. At 7 am she nursed briefly and went back to sleep again until I woke her at 8:15 to go to the doctor's.

For once, we actually got to see our own pediatrician, Rita, for a sick visit! Hooray. She checked Calliope over very carefully, hunting hopefully for a sign of the roseola rash, but couldn't find anything. So she sent us back home with the advice to continue the Motrin as needed... but to try to let it wear off in between doses so I can check her temperature to see if it is getting better (it was 101.2 in the office, five hours after the last dose of Motrin, which should last six to eight hours). I gave her another dose of Motrin in the office before we left, which she promptly vomited, so I gave a second, more slowly, which she kept down.

If her fever hasn't improved by tomorrow morning and she hasn't developed a rash, I have to take her to the emergency room for a urinary catheter so they can get a sterile sample to check for a urinary tract infection. Luckily her urineanalysis from Monday came back normal, so the odds are low of a UTI, but given that she is thus far lacking an obvious source of infection despite a high fever, we have to be cautious.

When we got home, her temperature was up to 102.2, despite having received Motrin an hour before, and she was fussy, so I gave her some Tylenol, too, and put her weary, hot little body off to bed. I don't like to alternate Tylenol and Motrin, and in fact the AAP frowns on doing so as a standard practice, which many parents seem to do (it's okay to do only if the fever isn't responding to just one medicine). But in this case, since her fever hadn't come down at all, I gave it anyway. Still, I'm glad that I write everything down in her notebook, because it would be easy to lose track of when I gave which medicine. I'm paranoid about Tylenol (acetaminophen) overdosing!

Fingers crossed she gets a rash!

In more positive news, Rita said she's not worried about Calliope's weight (now at the very bottom of the growth chart), given that she's growing and developing normally and looks so good (and still has nice chunky  thighs). So I'm glad about that, because I have no idea how to make a baby eat more, and don't want to fill her up on chemical soup like Pediasure.

Also, Calliope is getting better and better with her three signs -- more, all done, and nurse! Time to introduce a few more. Finally. I was wondering if she would ever get it.