Thursday, May 30, 2019

Sleep Consultant In Training

I am nearing the end of my four-month course to become a pediatric sleep consultant and I'm so excited! I'm studying with the Family Sleep Institute and it's no small project to get certified. But it's so exciting to be learning something new, complementary but different than what I used to do, after thirteen years in my old job as a school based pediatric nurse practitioner.

It also feels very strange to be a newbie again.

I have to do three case studies, helping families with children of varying ages. But I ended up accepting four families so that I could get as much experience as I could. I created a Google form -- I never knew such a thing existed -- and got eight responses from families interested in a pro-bono sleep consultation. I completed my first intake nine days ago, my only in-person one (required by the program to do at least one in person). I can see now that I did so many things wrong. I got way too bogged down in the nitty gritty and didn't do enough motivational interviewing, getting the family psyched up.

Yet to my amazement, this 2y11m old child is night-weaned and on her way to sleeping in her own bed all night long! I feel like I got very lucky with this first case but it has built my confidence tremendously and now I've intentionally picked a particularly challenging case to work on while I still have lots of support from classmates and instructors.

I'm hoping to finish my case studies before we leave Mexico for the States in late June though it's not due until mid July. But I feel like it will be too hard to be consistently productive while we are on the road.

Realistically, I doubt I'll do much with it over the summer unless folks initiate contact with me, but as soon as the girls go back to school at the end of August, I plan to throw myself into learning all the aspects of running my own business. Including marketing myself. Gulp. I hope to especially target sleep deprived SMCs because I know what it's like to be doing this alone, without family help, and how frustrating it is to be advised to "hand the baby to Dad and go to bed early!"

In an ideal world, I would love to combine this work with a couple of days, or even half days, of clinical work, keeping my hand in the water with pediatrics too, just in case. But working in Mexico is tricky, where nurse practitioner licenses aren't recognized. I have a lead on a job but I'm just not sure I want to pursue it. Or if I should prioritize this business.

But it's exciting to feel busier and more focused!

Wednesday, May 1, 2019

April 2019 Recap

April was great!

The girls had two weeks of spring break. On Thursday of the first week, we took the fancy first class bus ($20 for me, $10 for each of the girls) to Mexico City, about a four-hour ride. The first class buses here are so much nicer than the Greyhounds back home -- the seats are huge and lean way back and the leg area lifts up. Super comfy!

Our dear friends from Brooklyn, Emily and Annabelle, who lived a floor below us for as long as my girls can remember, met us in Mexico City the next day. We had such a great time! I love Mexico City. It has more history than any other city in North America, founded in 1324. There are Aztec ruins right in the city center. There's also great public transportation, but better than in NYC, clean and quiet.

We went to the children's museum, the city park Chapultapec (larger than Central Park!), the zoo, the museum of popular art, a great Asian fusion restaurant (good sushi at last, ahhhh), a local playground (awesome), the city square (largest in the world) and lots of Mexican restaurants, of course.

Then our friends traveled back to San Miguel with us for a few days. It was wonderful to have them here. They were great guests and Annabelle and Calliope, despite their age difference of 3.5 years, love to recharge in exactly the same way, drawing, playing with American Girl dolls, and listening to Whatever After books. It was a little harder with Amelie but we were mostly able to keep her entertained.

They only had three days here so I decided not to try to pack in too much as that backfired on me the last time we had visitors -- Calliope got exhausted and cranky. So we went to the hot springs, bounced point balloons in Centro, went out for tacos, went swimming in a hotel pool, visited an artisan market, and went out to eat only once, I think.

We also had a very Mexican Passover Seder, complete with tacos and matzah!

In other news, I am chugging along in a four month sleep consultant training program. I am hoping to start a pediatric sleep consultant business in the fall, mostly targeting Brooklyn customers but open to Mexican clientele as well.

I was volunteering at a women's clinic called CASA here with some OB nurses and midwives which was great. I got to see a few beautiful births. And last weekend I met with the founder and suggested they consider offering pediatric care -- offered by me and supported by a family medicine doctor since Mexico doesn't recgonize NPs -- at the clinic and she is open to the idea. So we shall see what happens with that.

I also had an interview last month with a medical concierge service last month and they said they are interested in having me start working with them in June. I'm not convinced they want me because they are geriatric-focused and I have no geriatric experience beyond my own parents, but it's a possibility.

But it's good to have options! I'm most excited about starting a business on my own but I'd love to keep my hand in clinical care as well, in case I ever want to return to it in the States but also because I find it so rewarding. Whatever I choose -- and I'm hoping for a mix -- I want to keep my hours manageable so that I have time for myself and am also mostly able to meet the girls when they get off the school van.

No further communication from J and I am okay with that. She had expressed interest in coming for Dia De Los Muertos so I am curious to see if she does... but I am fine either way. I have no expectations, which feels good.

And I'm still doing keto, not perfectly, and some fasting. Mostly 20:4 fasting (fast for 20 hours, feast for 4 hours) but I am still recovering from spring break indulgences. The intermittent fasting helped minimize the damage, though, which was great. I got down to within 2 pounds of my goal, very briefly, but now I'm up to 9 pounds above goal again. If I can just stay consistent it'll happen!

The cool thing is that I didn't have any PMS last month and my skin has improved a ton from keto. I also have lost some cellulite from the underside of my thigh that I never thought would budge. Once I get to my goal weight I would love to try some black coffee (or green tea) and water only fasts to try for autophagy -- cell repair -- to lower my risk of health risks like cancer. But I feel like I can only focus on one goal at a time.
We head back to Brooklyn in just two short months! We'll be there (and in Vermont and Massachusetts) for five weeks before we return to Mexico to renew our visas. So many great things to look forward to!
My friend Tereza organized a Women's Hike for her birthday. Such a treat to be out during
the day without kids -- walking at an adult pace -- in daylight!

Gorgeous vistas

Calliope's class after their performance of "Los Ninos Del Bosque" (The Children of the Forest)

Cute short haircut

Feeling sexy and strong

Mamas' Night Out (every Sat night!)

Making matzaballs with my best kitchen helper (conveniently keeping her out of the way of the big girls)

Our beloved Annabelle, chopping parsley for the Seder and looking like Frida Kahlo

With her two best pals at school 

Running with a pointy balloon, wearing her new shirt from Emily and Annabelle

Some of our other new, great pals: Brody and twins, Emily and Allison. 

Amelie and Brody have a special connection

Mamas' night out at Bovine -- three out of four of us are SMCs.

Dinosaur hatchlings at Papalote, the Children's Museum of Mexico City

Eating authentic churros and chocolate in Mexico City

Girls' first time at a sushi bar. I was SO happy.

Amelie likes sushi, hooray!

The girls in the zocalo in Mexico City, the largest city center in the world

Cushy first class bus seats have room for two girls in them. If you're wondering why only
Amelie is wearing headphones... they aren't plugged in!

A Very Mexican Passover Seder, complete with corn tortillas, refried beans, matzah and charoset

Swimming at the hot springs

Swimming at a local hotel pool -- hot spring weather means lots of time swimming

My big kid likes to sit by herself on city buses

Monday, April 8, 2019

A Romantic Night in Mexico City

About a month ago, I went to Mexico City to see a good friend of mine, J, who is also an ex-girlfriend from college. Last time I saw her, perhaps two years prior, she had just left her marriage of seventeen years. She had felt distant and emotionally detached in the all the years of marriage and I was shocked to feel all my feelings for her come flooding back at that last visit. But given how recent the break-up was, and how raw she described herself as feeling -- despite her seeming more like herself than she had been in many years -- I didn't dare breathe a word of my feelings to her. I avoided eye contact and watched her play on the floor with Calliope as baby Amelie crawled around us.

Still, I thought about her for months afterward. I was careful to only initiate contact once, and then only to respond after she did.

Then this fall, she asked to come visit... but subsequently canceled. Then this winter she emailed again, asking if I had a night to spare while she was in Mexico City. I offered to leave the girls at home with a sitter and meet her there. She sprang for the hotel room. I had no idea what to expect but was feeling self-protective.

We had a wonderful time! We went to see Frida Kahlo's house and were the very last visitors of the day. I had forgotten how wonderful appreciative J is of the smallest moments and experiences. We went for tostadas afterwards, then sat on a street bench in the brighly lit darkness and sipped coffee and caught up on our lives.

It was in a taxi on the way back to the hotel that Julia referred to our previous visit and I thoughtlessly replied, "I thought about you a lot after our last visit."

"Oh yeah? What were you thinking?"

Crap. I felt cornered. I was terrified of sharing my feelings and having her be horrified or worse, hurt somehow by them.

But then J's hand slid across the seat of the taxi and into mine. And so I awkwardly stammered something about "always having a J-shaped place in my heart."

She squeezed my hand and laughed and said, "perhaps we could agree that what happens in Mexico City stays in Mexico City?"

Later, back at the hotel, we talked more seriously about it. She said she would love to have an intimate evening together and cares a lot about me but knows she doesn't want a long distance relationship. She wanted to make sure I was okay with that.

I tried to be really honest with myself and check in deeply and I felt like I was.

So we had a lovely night together. In the morning we got up very early and wandered around the empty city square, hand in hand. I loved that she held my hand so firmly.

After I headed to the bus station to catch my bus, I texted her that I had made it. And again when I got home. And again a photo of my kids enjoying the gifts she had brought for them. I didn't hear back from her for another week. Which felt really hard.

She, meanwhile, had met up with a dear friend and headed out the next day to a remote island off the Yucatan coast for a weeklong writers' conference. And she's not much of a technology person. But I was taken aback by her delayed response.

Since then, we've emailed a few times. She had invited me to join her on a medical mission next month but the dates don't work for me. I had suggested trying to visit her in her house in New Englad this summer but the dates don't work for her. She said she will try again to visit us in Mexico, perhaps for Dia de Los Muertos.

Our last correspondence was an email from me. She hasn't responded. In her first email she had said she might send me some writing she did about our visit but she hasn't followed through. I am questioning if I somehow pushed too hard.

I don't feel like I'm looking for a relationship, but perhaps I'm not being honest with myself? I miss her company and I wish I could talk to her more often. Being together felt like being intimate with a best friend. I crave her friendship... but maybe physical intimacy plus a beautiful friendship is the same thing as a romantic relationship?

Regardless, it seems obvious that that is not what she wants or needs right now, so I am trying hard to come to peace with that in my heart. I'm certainly not reaching out to her, but I wish that I didn't want contact. I feel like in relationships in the past, I wanted too much and was too controlling. So I am trying to use this an opportunity to let go of any thoughts of control. Perhaps one day we will be closer. I can see that there is nothing I can do right now to make that happen besides letting go and letting it be.

Friday, February 8, 2019

What's Hard About Life in Mexico (For Me)

Life in Mexico is pretty incredible, really. I actually feel like I have too much time (and too little money) on my hands which is mostly pretty luxurious, at least for the short term. The weather is incredible -- lately it swings from low forties to high seventies or even warmer each day. People are incredibly friendly. It's required to say "Buenas dias!" and pause before starting any business transaction, and to kiss on the cheek any acquaintance you encounter in the street. The girls seem to be thriving at school and Calliope, especially, is loving all the downtime at home in the afternoons to draw and play and create. Amelie seems content too, although she's always had plenty of downtime!

But the thing that is hard? My friends. My two best friends in particular, Amy and Emily. There is a lovely community of expats here that I am meeting and getting to know. Folks are warm and friendly. I just left our Friday morning coffee group. Saturday nights I go out with fellow SMCs Sarah and Jackie and often a couple of other friends, included at random. Sunday mornings we meet neighborhood friends in the park for bike riding and play structure climbing. Sometimes on Sunday afternoons we go to the taco place with the indoor play space with friends for an easy dinner.

These friendships are gradually growing stronger. This week, my friend and neighbor Anna picked up my girls from the bus stop and delivered them home when I wasn't feeling well. That night I kept her son so she and her husband could go out for a birthday dinner. And tomorrow my friend Pamela and I are sharing a sitter so our big girls can stay home, the little ones can go to a birthday party, and she can work. These two arrangements are the first time I've really shared the work of childcare with other families and I hope these will continue happening.

But I so miss the shared childrearing I missed with Amy and Emily. Amy and I shared nannies for seven years for our four children. We saw them every single weekend, sometimes multiple times a weekend, and shared afterschool care when our big girls outgrew the nanny. It was a given that we would have Shabbat dinner on Friday nights and carpool for ice skating lessons.

Emily and I lived in the same building the last few years. We rode the subway together most mornings. When she had a date, her daughter stayed over. We had breakfast together every weekend. If I had a stomach ache, she went out for medication. When she had the flu, I delivered hot oatmeal and Vitamin Water.

I'm missing my best friends. And more than that, selfishly, I'm missing having a best friend.

I'm so thrilled that Amy and her kids arrive for a visit in one short week. I'm breathlessly scheduling our every waking moment to maximize the deliciousness of time together. The girls are likewise exuberant in their excitement to see these children who are practically their siblings.
Best pals Rachel, me, Amy, Emily and Elizabeth celebrating of my last nights in town.

Saturday, February 2, 2019

Keto Update Twelve and Saturday Morning

Well, my "fast" yesterday lasted all of about eight hours. It was too hard cooking for a dinner party -- I needed to be able to taste seasonings and then my resolve crumbled. But that is fine. It was a fun dinner party. Among the guests we had a celiac sufferer, nut/milk/sesame/egg allergies, vegan, and Keto-er. Lots of needs. So I landed on a taco bar. I wish I remembered to take a photo of the finished product. It was so pretty! And everything was laid out when they arrived except finishing the guacamole. We had:

  1. organic beef, sauteed with garlic powder, onion powder, salt. No MacLowry's Season Salt because it contains sugar (bad for the Keto-er, me). eaten by the children of the vegans but not by Calliope. 
  2. chopped avocado for the picky eaters that don't eat guacamole -- Calliope
  3. regular guacamole with garlic powder instead of raw garlic (for the kids) and oops, I forgot the onion!
  4. chopped tomato, again for those who don't eat guacamole.
  5. sauteed peppers -- no onions for the onion haters
  6. sauteed onions 
  7. fresh corn tortillas for everyone (including the GF person) EXCEPT me, the Keto-er
  8. shredded Oaxaca cheese for everyone except the vegan and the dairy-allergic child
  9. green and red salsas for the other adults but not for me because i don't like it (but it's Keto friendly) from the tortilleria
  10. rice and beans from the tortilleria for everyone except the Keto-er
I think that about covers it. I heard one of the kids exclaim "this is the best meal EVER!" So I felt very successful.

For dessert, because I forgot to buy sorbet and more ice cream, we walked around the corner to the convenience store and everyone got to pick an ice cream or popsicle of her choice. The kids were thrilled and six ice cream bars cost me less than $5. Win.

Then we came back for Trolls. The kids watched while the grown ups chatted. It was lovely. These are friends I am slowly getting to know. They are more socially connected than me so I feel lucky that they said yes. But their kids are the same ages as mine so it works really well.

After they left I got deep into a bag of tortilla chips. And then some digestive biscuits. But you know, they were DELICIOUS. And so I'm deciding not to beat myself up. I think I need to know I can have a splurge occasionally. Maybe I'll plan one for every Friday nights? I'm not sure if it's helpful to plan for it or not.

Anyway, today I woke up happy and decided to jump into another fast. With three cups of cold-brew with heavy cream added. So delicious! I am fifteen hours in and feeling pretty good. I'm thinking I'll fast until tomorrow late lunchtime if I continue to feel good. Saturday night plans are a little tricky without dinner plans but I am having a massage and then may go see a movie. Tomorrow morning early we are going to Costco in Queretaro with an SMC friend so that will keep me busy. And we want to eat quickly at the mall before the kids are too tired and last time we ate at the mall the food was a huge disappointment. So I'm going to bring food for the kids -- no point spending money when they prefer home food anyway -- and I'll wait to eat until we get home and I can have something I'll actually enjoy. Probably bacon and spinach from the Costco haul!

Amelie was up early this morning so she took a long bath and then Calliope wrote me her daily three sentences and read me a book -- trying to make sure we keep up her English language learning, even if the pace has slowed -- and then we went to our favorite bakery, Buon Forno, for bread for them, and then walked to a nearby playground. Usually we go to the Farmer's Market on Saturday morning but I figured Amelie would be extra tired from her early waking (due to a nagging cough) so I wanted to stay close. It was a beautiful morning and very peaceful. Now she's reading while C gets her weekend screen time. After this we have a birthday party, a family-friendly art opening, and a massage (and maybe movie) for me while the girls stay with a sitter. Pretty perfect!

New playground near us with mountains in the background

Tree exploration. 

Friday, February 1, 2019

Keto Update Eleven: My First Longer Fast (In a While)

I'm thrilled to share that I got tired of myself and my needling anxieties and just suddenly decided to bite the bullet and try a longer fast (again). Technically I did a 56 hour fast after my stomach bug but that feels long enough ago that it's ancient history plus having a stomach bug for the first 24 hours changed everything.

So I dove in. The first day was hardest, probably around 14-18 hours, which was early afternoon when I was a little bored at home. Once the kids came home and Calliope's tutor came over I was distracted, which helped. I thought the kids might notice that I wasn't eating and I wasn't sure how to respond to that but they didn't notice.

I am very, very careful to never, ever talk about dieting in front of them. I never comment on my weight or changes in it. I haven't discussed fasting. I do tell them that I am not eating sugar because I think it's not healthy. And they agreed to a two-week "sugar detox" where they are only getting one sweet thing a day -- if they want a cookie after dinner, they can't have syrup on pancakes or nutella on their peanut butter sandwiches. I've relaxed my standards a little and will let them have a square of dark chocolate or a piece of dried mango in the mornings but I think it's definitely lowered their cravings for sugar.

Anyway, by dinner time for them it was feeling a bit better. I put them to bed and was amazed to observe that my brain quietly accepted my "the kitchen is closed" decision. Amazing!

I woke up the next morning and surprisingly un-hungry. I'm rarely hungry in the mornings. That was at about 36 hours in. I did have a coffee with cream at home and then another during my Thursday morning Spanish tutoring session at the local bakery. After that, I limped -- because I banged the crap out of my fourth toe a couple days earlier and it's a lovely shade of purple right now -- to the CASA Clinic where I have been volunteering these past three weeks.

Lucky me, one of the midwives told me she had a patient in labor and invited me to participate! That was at 9:30 in the morning. The patient was already at 7 cm and doing great but after a few hours things slowed down. I was very involved, pressing on her back with contractions and doing my best to listen avidly to the midwife's explanations of things -- my Spanish is improving all the time but it's still not easy to understand everything. I was busy enough -- even when the patient fell asleep between contractions -- to not feel hungry. And I swear, there's something about getting past those early hours of fasting... it gets progressively easier!

I was planning a lovely dinner for myself when I finished the day. But the baby took a long time to arrive and I didn't want to rush out afterwards. And then the new father generously offered to treat the midwife and myself to dinner. I wanted to refuse but he was eager and in Mexico, I think it's rude to say no. So he ordered burgers for everyone. And insisted I take some sweet potato fries. I only took a few fries and managed to eat the burger without the bun (mostly) although it had some sort of sweet topping on it. That wouldn't have been too bad but that carbohydrate intake plus fatigue from the long day made me crave more carbs.

I got home and my energy crashed. I got the kids into bed and was desperately craving tortilla chips. I'm proud of my compromise, though. Instead of crashing on the couch, I put a few chips in a very small bowl... and started cooking a few strips of bacon. I ate some of the chips while the bacon was frying then took a break to eat the bacon. After the bacon, I didn't want the chips anymore! Just to make sure, I threw the chips away.

This morning, Amelie woke me up at 4:30 am with a cough and nausea. She felt better very quickly but decided to wake her sister, too. They were both tearing around the house making a ton of noise before 6 am. After my long day the previous day, plus the eating choices the night before, I was in a terrible mood. Some fierce yelling took place.

I had two cups of coffee and cream and got them fed and off to school. Came home to an empty house and STILL was in a terrible mood. And hungry. Even though I knew it was probably more thirst than hunger, I didn't have the discipline to fight it. So I cooked up the last of the bacon plus two eggs and leftover roasted radishes and ate that. I wasn't hungry anymore but I was still having cravings. So I had some dark chocolate and some heavy cream. Still feeling unhappy.

And finally, I realized that the only thing that would make me feel better was fasting again! I wanted a change to redo how I broke the fast. I was upset that I didn't get to do it my way. I had been thinking that with my social plans this weekend I couldn't fast now. But then I realized that was ridiculous. No one else is all that invested in my eating! I can have friends over for dinner and even cook for them and still not eat!

So at 10 am I put the food away and got up off the couch and started cleaning. I always feel better when the house is clean. And now I am three hours into a fast of an undetermined length. I feel much more in control of my life though I can also tell I am in desperate need of a workout. That will help my mood too. But I am excited that I am starting a fast after having had a meal because I know I'm not hungry right now (as opposed to starting it at bedtime) because I just ate. I'm drinking a big mug of mint tea and I have my bottle of lightly salted water next to me. I'm hoping that today will be pretty easy and that I will sleep during the hardest part and wake up feeling great tomorrow! A cool thing about fasting is that it makes your body release adrenaline -- supposedly to energize you to go hunt some wild game -- so far from being tired while fasting, I generally feel great!

I am going to try to have black coffee again tomorrow to be as purist as possible, if I can manage it.

Oh, and yesterday morning, before work... I finally hit a new low... a pound lower than I have been before. Only 3 kg from that to my goal weight! Of course my weight is WAY up today. But I think this photo of me from yesterday really shows that I am smaller. It's interesting to me to observe that I don't just lose from my stomach -- I am smaller all over! I had somehow forgotten that.

I am so grateful that I got through my first longer fast (in a while) and that I felt so good and feel like I am getting control of my destiny for the first time in ages! All I have to do is get my career figured out and I will have everything I have ever hoped for. And how awesome is it that I get to partipate in births and learn from such amazing people? I really just have to figure out the income part of work figured out. And I somehow have faith that if I continue to follow my passions, I will! Next week I am visiting a nonprofit that sends medical vans out into the countryside to provide medical care to rural children. I am hoping I can include volunteering with them in my soon to be very busy schedule! Or who knows, maybe one of these days these volunteer gigs will turn into a paid oppportunity (that still allows me to pick my children up from the school van most days and lets me travel during their school breaks)! I blindly trust that something will work out.
The awesome midwife who invited me to help.

Sweet cuddly newborn and my feeling-svelt self

Braids! From the girl who is excited to cut her hair short. Sniff. 

She has noticed grown ups cross their legs and is, as always, eager to imitate.

Gorgeous light in the Jardin

With friend Mika in Jardin
Yesterday versus last June.

Pals in Centro. Amelie has met her match in Teo. He is just as mischievous as her!

Saturday, January 26, 2019

Keto Update Ten: Some Success and Some "Other-Than-Successes"

Well, I was feeling like I was on a roll this week. My fasts were gradually getting longer. I was getting to about twenty-two hours each day and feeling good and not hungry (until I was ready to break the fast). It also felt like my appetite was dropping. I was getting hungrier earlier in the day and then, amazingly, not feeling tempted to snack at night! I had to push through several uncomfortable evenings to get there and then suddenly, Wednesday and Thursday night, the urge was gone. I didn't see any lasting changes on the scale and resolved to hide them away. But I felt really good.

And then yesterday I ate twice, early. Bacon both times. I was really craving it and it felt delicious but I only ate five slices between two meals plus some spinach. I felt really full and kind of gross after the second meal and decided to see if I could fast for more than twenty-four hours. Before, when I've tried to fast that long, I have hit a huge mental block with the idea of going more than twenty-four hours. That is apparently just too scary to my tiny little brain. But I realized yesterday that if I started fasting at 1 pm I could eat the next day and also fast more than twenty-four hours. Win!

After my workout I was still feeling gross so I dragged the girls on foot to a friend's house (as opposed to taking a taxit) to walk it off. C had been invited to spend the night there so I figured Amelie and I would hang out for a few minutes and then head home. But then they invited us to stay for dinner... turned out they were having a dinner party. I told them I wasn't hungry and that I was doing keto but it turned out they were making a cauliflower-crust pizza which is totally keto-friendly and they served it to me and... I ate it anyway, even though I wasn't hungry. And then I kept eating. And then I came home and ate loads of tortilla chips. Healthy artisinal grain chips but still. Loaded with carbs.

I'm trying not to beat myself up. I'm focused on my successes because I know that's the only way to get back up again and climb back up on that proverbial horse. But it's hard. And then I ate too much lunch, partly because I was really hungry and partly because I was eating with distractions. Because I feel emotionally off right now. Anxious.

So my successes today are:

  1. I fasted 14:30.
  2. I drank black coffee this morning.
  3. I ate bacon and spinach for lunch which are good for getting me back into ketosis.
  4. I did a whole bunch of blogging to hopefully get out of the emotional funk.
  5. I'm about to work out. And will probably feel a lot better afterwards.
I didn't make a list of what I did wrong. Presumably, no one needs to read that.

Hopefully, my workout will get back on the path. Headed upstairs now to do it before Amelie wakes up.