Friday, April 1, 2016

Not To Be Outdone... Amelie With Walking Toy

This is probably boring to everyone else, but I love seeing how fast she's gotten with this walking toy -- it's only in the last few days that she can keep up with the wheels.

And I love her giggles as she and Leo squeeze into the kitchen at the same moment. This girl is just full of good cheer -- nearly everything makes her laugh.

Plus that adorable outfit that I found in the piles of hand me downs that I had totally forgotten about... who else can get away with a pink jumpsuit with snaps all up the crotch? And yet she totally rocks it.

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Calliope's First Show

Calliope's older cousins always do a show at Thanksgiving (though I think they may have finally gotten too old for it, now that my niece is going to graduate high school in a couple more months) and that inspired her to put on her very first show tonight. Eleanor didn't last too long but then, luckily, Amelie stepped in to take her place. Well, swung in.

I'm so gaga for sister love. Amelie sure is a generous soul.

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Update on the Crazy

I feel like I am slowly clawing my way out of a crazy little journey into something, I guess anxiety. That threatened to spiral into depression.

I didn't share this in my last post but a few weeks ago, I started working with a holistic health counselor. And she recommended I try a detox diet. I could still eat as much as I needed to, but just limited to a very few foods for a week, and then I would add back a new food every to days. The theory being that then I could see what, if any foods, were affecting me. Mainly my blood sugar and my energy levels, but also maybe preventing weight loss.

Well, the detox made me feel like crap. I was so hungry all the time. I was supposed to have these delicious detox shakes that made me feel great, only I needed three (at 400 calories each!) to get me through until lunch time instead of the one that was suggested. And a vegetarian lunch of grains and tons of greens made me feel shaky. I quickly added animal protein back to my lunches but those highly caloric shakes did a number on me. And I gained several pounds (I think -- I haven't weighed myself but I have a definite paunch that wasn't there before). And so that was super frustrating, but I also felt deeply ashamed.

And shame has not been found to contribute to mental health, you know?

And so I gave in to the cravings and had tons of sugar this week and last night, I was okay having only one twizzler. Tonight I had more than one -- three, I think, of the fat braided kind -- but that's still less than I had a few days ago. And I feel like I'm slowly, day by day, getting my center back. Although not, I think, losing the paunch. Valuing my sanity over my belly.

Work has also been a little less crazy so I have had time to work on things, work things, unfortunately, but I'm still less stressed as a result. Having to do continuing education courses every night for a month doesn't help, though. I've taken the last two nights off. I just couldn't deal.

Not watching TV may be the reason I am feeling better... but I took a break from my hiatus (is that even a thing?) and watched a lot tonight. I'm excusing it since it's the weekend.

And if I can just brag for a minute -- I'm proud of my Calliope. A friend offered to take Calliope with them to the playground after school while I finished up in my office (she's done 35 minutes before me). And she joyfully said yes -- and just this is new as of a month or two ago -- and raced off with them. And then I found her playing happily, clustered with three of her classmates under playground equipment, having a conversation about godknowswhat but looking entirely like little school girls, gossiping, and not preschoolers. And she was right there with them, acting more or less like the rest of them. And she was wearing a favorite dress today that she hadn't worn in a while, and her spindly legs were sticking so far out -- my girl suddenly looks like a kindergartner today, and not the PreK-er she actually is. She is growing up, my baby.