"Running"

Last week I went for my first run since week six of my pregnancy.

I put the word in quotes because I'm so slow I think it's technically "jogging," but that word always sounds too ridiculous to use except in jest.

Calliope and I were on our way to the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens, and so I jogged very, very slowly while pushing the jogging stroller.

And the way I felt afterwards, was amazing.

So I'm not sure why I was nervous to go again. That's my complicated relationship with running. I always dread heading out the door, and nearly always procrastinate before I finally go.

True to form, I hung around today until my doula reminded me that I only had forty-five minutes left before she left.

And so I dusted off my "monkey feet" (Vi.bram Five Fing.ers -- barefoot running shoes which I LOVE -- they helped me kiss a long-standing calf injury goodbye) and suited up in my new, spectacularly ugly Enn.ell sports bra, recommended by the always supportive (ha! not intentional) SMC women and headed out.

And after the first block, I heaved a sigh of relief. It was like I got to tap into my whole, true, emotionally unfettered self again.

God it feels good.

And getting to do it alone made it all the better.

I still love my little girl like crazy, but the last few days -- and I feel guilty admitting this -- I am starting to poke my head out of the cave and look around a bit. I'm ready for more than just baby care. I'm ready to engage a bit with the world.

Of course, my brain is embarrassingly dim these days. I miss the most obvious things -- like that Fed.Ex has left me a note saying they needed my apartment number, and thus being furious when they didn't deliver my package. I'm hoping it's headed back.

In other news, I might be letting Elimination Communication go. Calliope is no longer "going" when I put her on the potty. And it's a whole bunch of extra work with nothing to show for it, lately.

I feel lucky that she's doing so well with sleep, continuing the seven hour stretch at night, and so that might be enough of a win for me to let EC go.