Glum About HappySad News

Can't be too sad with a girl like this in my life

The nanny informed me first thing Monday morning... she's pregnant. Unexpectedly, but happy about it, I think.

I'm happy for her, of course, but it was a hard bit of news to be hit with when I wasn't fully awake yet, and trying to get out the door.

I felt pretty anxious and stressed at work all day.

Then I made my peace with it. And even was excited for her.

I figured that Amy and I would get a new nanny and carry on. After all, when we'd talked about the possibility of N leaving in the past (we thought she might go back to school full time in the fall), she'd proposed that we get a new nanny and keep the nanny sharing situation going. She said she and her husband have been really happy with it. And I have been too, in case it's not obvious. In fact, I had hosted a meeting of parents of neighborhood ~18 month olds to talk about starting a preschool coop a couple mornings a week next school year. So I had been entertaining a fantasy that the girls could do that next school year (and stay with the nanny the rest of the time), and then have the preschool coop increase to three mornings a week for their three year old year, and then Calliope would (fingers tightly crossed!) secure a full day public pre-K spot in the school where I work and be able to go to work every day with me when she's four. In other words, keep her at home except for a few mornings a week until she's in public school.

Tonight I broke the news to Amy (who was traveling yesterday), who hasn't seen N since last week.

Amy looked startled, then pained. And sighed.

She also told me that she and her husband had put down a fully refundable deposit on a dreamy preschool in Manhattan, near his work. I think they did this a while ago, when N was considering going back to school in the fall.

I appreciate that she's being honest with me. But I'm scared that our idyllic life is going to change.

Yes, I know, I keep being afraid of that. Losing my job, my mom getting sick, and now the nanny.

If Amy decides to keep going with the nanny share, I think we can get another great nanny, hopefully one that still falls within our budgetary constraints. But if they decide to do full time preschool (a center) next year for Eleanor, our life will have to change a lot.

It won't be the end of the world. But I'll be sad. I love the life that Calliope lives right now -- napping in her own crib (without anyone else in the room), not having to rush her (and me, by extension) out of the house every morning. Having time for me to exercise in the morning because I don't need time to get her fed and out the door. Not having an extra stop in my commute every day on my way to and from work. Which means maximizing my time with her. Well, I suppose if I commuted with her, we'd have more time together, but I'm not sure it would be the highest quality and most relaxing time. And then, of course, the nanny we have now. She's amazing. She's been such a huge part of the girls' lives, with them since they were three months old. She will have made an impact on them in ways we will never fully appreciate, and as Amy pointed out, they won't remember her.

It's sad.

The end of an era.