My brother had told me that he thought I was "afraid to ask for what I needed" and that was why I was feeling unclear on what I wanted.
A few days ago, my friend asked me if I wanted him to be my boyfriend, and I said, "I have no idea."
But then he and I had a good talk recently and I tried to be more clear and say, "look, at our current level of communication, I find myself retreating. And then you come for a visit and it's like trying to start from square one all over again. I need to talk more, please." (Trying to follow my brother's advice of actually asking for what I need.)
And lo and behold... we talked a lot more this week. And despite a snafu on Thursday night, when he arrived on Saturday morning... it was great! He met us at the playground where we were hanging out with my SMC friend Emily and her five year old. We greeted each other with a quick hug and a sly grin but it just felt so comfortable from the first moment. I didn't feel like I was trying hard.
And that is the difference that I find, dating as a single mom. I'm so much more clear on who I am and what I need. And by extension, what I don't need.
So when I wake up at seven (before Calliope), I'm fine to slide out of bed and into my bathrobe, to check email for a few minutes, then greet her with a sippy cup of milk. She sits on her potty then dons her bathing suit and we fire up Insanity for our mother-daughter weekend workout. I "let" him sleep two more hours after I got up... and was happy about it. In a previous life, I might have felt like I was "supposed" to stay in bed if he was.
Likewise, if he wants to take a nap while Calliope naps, I don't mind. I just come in the living room and check email or practice the banjo or do one of a hundred other things that nurture me. What I don't do is think, "I can't believe he's wasting a precious minute of our brief weekend together."
Maybe none of you were ever this unhealthy in a relationship, but I think
So that feels really good. I feel healthier than I ever have in a relationship before.
Last night and today we had some good conversations about our relationship. And for the first time, I said what I wanted, without waiting for him to take the initiative.
First I said, "I think we should have a conversation about sexual monogamy." He agreed.
I said, "I'm not having sex with anyone else."
He said, "I'm not either."
"Good," I replied. And that was that.
And a few minutes later, "I feel like we are seeing each other."
He laughed and said, "That does seem to be the case."
Voila, relationship defined, low drama style.