First School Photo, and Social Developments

The wrinkly ankles completely slay me. My favorite part of the photo.

Calliope went pretty seamlessly to having a best friend at home, Eleanor, to having a best friend at school, Maya. (Though she still loves Eleanor best of all... though you might not know it from the way the girls fight.) Calliope and Maya met at a pre-preK play date at a nearby playground and quickly hit it off. You know, once Calliope stopped pretending that she was playing alone.

The girls stick together at school, it seems, and all was well. Calliope has always been a kid that does well with solitary play, so I was glad she had a solid friendship to count on.

Well. One day Calliope complained to me about Maya. She didn't like Tight Squeezes. Was very upset about them, in fact. Calliope didn't want me to help her talk to Maya -- and Oh! I was trying so hard to not make suggestions but just ask things like "what do you think you want to do?" because I've read it's critical to do this to prevent kids from shutting us out with future school issues... but it was hard! -- but she wanted her teacher to help.

We marched in to class the next morning, ready to go. We pulled the teacher aside and filled her in. Amy, her teacher, was sympathetic and grateful for the update. She agreed to help facilitate the conversation.

Unfortunately, Maya was out sick that day. A Friday. So Calliope, I guess, kept stewing about the Tight Squeezes all weekend.

On Monday, she was decidedly not looking forward to seeing Maya. On the plus side, I thought, she asked if I would help her talk to Maya, instead of Amy. So I texted Maya's babysitter to stick around the classroom for a few extra minutes. We pulled them aside and with a nod from Calliope, said, "Maya, Calliope is the kind of kid that doesn't like being hugged without her permission. Would you be willing to ask her first before you hug her?"

Maya said, "Sure." Happily enough. Case closed. Maya's mom texted me that night to say the conversation had a big impact on Maya, who was still reflecting on it. And asked if we could have a play date that coming weekend. I readily agreed. Have I mentioned that I really like Maya's mom? A friend for me at school, too! Maya's babysitter, who Calliope adores, also texted and asked for a Friday afternoon playground playdate after school.

When I told Calliope the next day about the weekend plans, she said, "I don't want to have a play date with Maya."

My heart sank. Oh no! Social disaster! My four year old wouldn't have a friend any more! My thoughts went to my own socially challenged childhood. What if Maya lost patience with Calliope and Calliope never had a friend again?

Meanwhile, I had ascribed personalities to the other children in her classroom. Adorable Kay (not her real name) was undoubtedly becoming that pretty but mean girl that excluded me from my group of friends. Igor was becoming that boy that tormented me in high school. I didn't want Calliope to be a loner all through school! What if Kay and Igor sidelined her?

Well, surprising to no one except me, it all worked out. The playground play date went well. Maya and her mom came over on Sunday and it was admittedly not an unmitigated success. Calliope was tired from our Hanukkah party the night before. Calliope mostly sucked her thumb and refused to interact. We moms had to remain fairly involved. My heart sank at the end. Poor Maya. And poor Calliope, too.

The next morning, Calliope and I were in my office, eating breakfast before school started. I got a text from Alex, asking if she and Maya could stop by -- Maya wanted to say hi. I was kind of surprised that Maya wanted to see Calliope after C was such a lousy host. I mentioned it to Calliope. She said, "Oh yes! I want Maya to come in your office while we eat breakfast!"

What??? I thought you didn't like Maya any more? You certainly acted like it yesterday!

So we let them in and the girls started a hilarious (to them) game of pretend sneezing on each other. And apparently all is back to normal.

The social lives of children are mysterious to me. Apparently the memories I hold from seventh grade and beyond don't have all that much to do with four year olds.

Old Flame

Ages ago, a reader asked what happened with Old Flame. I didn't mean to be mysterious! About a year ago now (or was it two years ago? I guess it was, since it was before I was pregnant, and it was definitely in December), I sent him packing.

He was still too emotionally involved with his ex. Not surprising because the divorce still wasn't done at that point. I didn't want to listen to him rant about her. But also, he was just too... socially awkward? I wasn't sure if that was because he was distracted by the ongoing divorce process, or just a matter of his weird engineer self -- just not that great at [successfully] engaging with others. Even while he was very cognizant of the fact that "EQ" is important, and that engineers tend to lack it. But he was that weird awkward way with my friend at a running event, when I was not around, so it certainly wasn't about me. So the divorce situation was a good thing to blame it on. He texted me when the divorce was finalized, and said he regretted that it taking so long had precluded a future with us. I responded blandly without engaging. I don't miss him.

I can't imagine dating anyone right now. I have no energy to give another person. This time in my children's lives is short. I don't want to waste any of it. Not to say that I don't want to miss a minute. I'm fine with taking breaks for me! But I can't waste any on drama, or first dates, or fights with a significant other.

Someday, maybe, I'll meet someone who wants to go on adventures with me or us. Until then, my life is so full. I'm happy. I have no time to be lonely.

Eight and a Half Months

Life has been so busy and now Amelie is nearly 9 months so I am determined to post something about eight months in the next seven minutes.

So, somewhere right around the eight month mark, Amelie started pushing up on all fours. The week before Thanksgiving. I thought it would take a month to start crawling... and then a day later, I thought it would take a week. But she stalled for a while. Or rather, she progressed, but very, very slowly.

But today, at least, intentional forward movement!

It's not true crawling, really, but it's very close. Now that she's moving, I expect her to perfect it into a true crawl very quickly.

I'm pretty happy that this video captures only the second time she did this!

In other news... she's an enthusiastic eater, and has liked everything so far except for a meatball... but then she got a serious case of constipation and I had to exclude a ton of foods from her diet because it went on for a month. It seems better now but after having some noodle kugel yesterday, today was a bad day again. I think wheat is a big trigger for her. I have no idea if this is common and she will outgrow it, or if this is something significant.

She's still nursing but my supply took a big hit over the Thanksgiving week -- I took a full week off of work and the girls and I went to my family's for the week. It was great but I think the total change made it hard for me to pump effectively. So I started pumping again at night and wow, what a difference it makes! I have more milk all day long, and wake up engorged when I pump at bedtime, but man, what a pain to add one more task at the end of the day. So now I'm doing it intermittently again. My supply is caught up and I topped up my freezer stash as well. I'm trying to achieve that impossible balance of just enough, and it never works.

The last few days, it seems like Amelie is eating less, and her thigh rolls are getting whittled away. I'm sure all that busy work on the carpet is contributing, also.

Still, though, this baby is just too delicious for words. Was I this crazy for Calliope at this age? I think so. But maybe there's also a last baby thing going on. I just want to nibble her all over.

As far as last babies go... I was seriously jonesing for a third for a while. Despite how hard the pregnancy was at time, particularly the digestive issues (which caused stomach aches, frequent diarrhea, nausea, occasional vomiting, dizziness, difficulty eating and breathlessness), I still loved being pregnant. Especially when I felt well. The last trimester flew by. And then my delivery was amazing in so many ways. I really wanted to do it all again. And to get to experience infancy again.

But as Amelie grows older, I relish her short babyhood even more while also recognizing that... I wouldn't be a good mother to the children I already have if I had another.

I wish my baby days didn't have to end. But I can't have a third child.

But don't ask if I've stopped paying for embryo storage. That might take many years.

If I met someone -- and I have no desire to do so -- I would totally have a third. You know, if everything else was ideal with this person.

Amelie's first Hanukkah. She is mesmerized by the candles. Also by wrapping paper. 

Clapping!

At dinner, she couldn't do it... At bedtime, to her immense satisfaction, she could!

My Little Gourmand At Seven Months

The best laugh!

(Thanks Amy for inspiring me to write shorts posts on the small milestones!)

First barrette, first pincer grasp, first strawberry, first Cheerios!
A busy day for my girl!

Amelie has been an enthusiastic eater since she started solid foods at 5+ months, a little earlier than originally planned because I was worried about my milks supply. But she was such a sweet little baby about it all, noisily sucking food off her spoon as if it were a nipple. Rather early on, she grabbed the spoon and we traded back and forth -- one spoon for each of her two hands, and one (inevitably sticky) one for me.

Well. A week ago she couldn't do this, at all. But a piece of food dropped onto her tray this past weekend and she handily picked it up with a pincer grasp. A week ago she needed her fruit to be inside a mesh feeder, or else pureed... this past weekend she handily fed herself Cheerios and whole raspberries and large pieces of strawberry. Turns out large pieces are actually a lot easier than little tiny pieces.

I had wanted to do Baby Led Weaning with Calliope, but had to abandon my plan because girlfriend would cry and pull her hands away if I put food on her tray.

But oh, Amelie! She adores food! We went to a brunch last weekend and she out-ate everyone. Just kept on going. Another mom was trying to be restrained in feeding her baby... so her baby just crawled over to Amelie (sitting in her booster seat on the floor) and ate off of Amelie's tray. This other mom had never given her daughter Cheerios, and only gave her the tiniest pieces of food, like a raspberry split into four pieces (and to be fair, I was this way before this weekend)... she watched in awe as her daughter, too, ate whole raspberries and blackberries and Cheerios.

Her joy was a miracle to behold. I love it that I am challenging her by giving her real food! And happy she is getting to enjoy this pleasure at such a young age. So much fun to feed a baby who loves food!

Amazing big sister reads patiently who a squirmy audience who is less interested in
listening and more interesting in eating the book.

"Attainable Goals"

There are times lately that everything is really, really good.  

These past few weeks have not been one of those times.  

I know I'm not alone.  What are your parenting struggles right now?  Feel free to post here or on your own blog if you want to share.

http://shannonsrainbow.blogspot.com/2015/10/attainable-goals.html

So here's what I'm working on.

One: saying "no" less often. Calliope really wanted to use the sunscreen stick this morning. Never mind that it is a rainy day in November in the northeast. So although it's messy, I said, yes... once she was otherwise ready to go. And when we got to school, I dabbed off the worse of the streaky white mess.

She wanted me to take a picture of Baby Jenna. My first instinct was to say "no, I don't need
a picture of a plastic doll."
Then I realized I could take a cute picture of Calliope with Baby Jenna.
Win.
Everyone is happy.

My first instinct is always to say no to more messes. I'm trying to say yes.

And two: not getting stressed and impatient with Calliope moving slowly. This is especially hard when trying to get out of the apartment in the mornings. Weekday mornings are, if not a well oiled machine, at least a lot smoother because we have very regular routines. But weekends... sometimes Calliope gets her screen time. I'm scurrying around trying to get things done and also to have a few minutes to relax on the couch and check email. So it's late morning by the time we are trying to leave, and sometimes, I just want to scream at the maddening pace and the "wait, I need to bring my fill-in-the-blank-which-I-won't-remember-to-play-with-while-we-are-out." And I get really tense. And tend to bark. So I'm trying to work on that.

Laura Markham suggests using "this is not an emergency" as a mantra and I'm trying.

A Trip to the Circus

I'm really tired and want to go to bed but have to finish cleaning up the kitchen, which means it's a perfect time to blog, right?

Lately I've been going to bed at 8:30. Just so damn tired, recovering from the bronchitis and trying to get my fitness back up. Until the weekend, when I stupidly stay up late. Leaving me more tired on weekends than weekdays. What is that???

So just a quick post because I never have the energy/time/inclination to blog, but I miss it.

Before the circus (at Lincoln Center): Mommy, Calliope, Auntie Salt Lick (who treated us to the show)

I splurged and bought her one of those expensive (but cheap!) light up toys this year...
It's the little things, right? Especially when you are four.

Dressed up "extra fancy" for the circus. Extra fancy meaning a tutu, worn backwards and pulled up to her nipples, special jewels, and cupcake underwear. Oh, and mismatched socks. When wearing said outfit, it's important to lift the skirt all the way up before sitting on the subway, to ensure the cupcake underwear makes direct contact with the plastic seat, ideally while sitting next to a woman in hijab.

Casually perusing a little Curious George

When I put her on her knees yesterday, she stayed put for a few seconds! And today, she got
up on her knees all on her own a couple of times! Mobility, ready or not, here we come!

Just being her cute little self.

I let Calliope carry Amelie (while walking) for the first time.
Amelie seems untroubled by her new form of transportation.

...But those dangling legs make Mommy a little nervous.

Calliope's thank you note for Auntie Salt Lick (to thank her for the circus): a picture of Calliope. She has three noses. And
pink hair on one side, red on the other. The lines on top of the face are her forehead. Then there's eyes, the aforementioned
three noses, cheeks, mouth, and chin. Perhaps not entirely to scale. I'm tickled that she draws chins and foreheads.
The "MOMOMOM" means "I love you Auntie Salt Lick. Love, Calliope." 

On the back: The artist's signature. And no, she did not want help with spelling her name. There's ice creams underneath.