Again Again Again

I hate to even tell you guys this... but I have to face sleep training again tonight.

We were doing great until sinusitis came along, and the fever kept waking her up, miserable and of course, uncomprehending as to why she felt so awful.

So of course I comforted her in the only way I knew how.

But she's long since recovered, and now has a worsening habit of waking at night.

And if I thought it would work to co-sleep, I would.

But I don't think either of us would sleep well. She's too active, and I would be too worried about her falling off the bed. Plus nowadays, what she wants to do in my bed is sleep on top of me.

And I am most certainly not a cuddler in my sleep. So I wouldn't sleep well.


And some folks would say that it's not about me. But I don't agree. If it doesn't work for me, it doesn't work for my family, which by definition, includes me. 

And I know from past experience that it is quickly over, and then we are both so much happier.

I've been trying to wait until we move. This would be so much easier if we weren't sharing a room!

But last night she was up three times, a record since she's been healthy. So I can't wait any longer.

But oh, how I hate this! I hate hearing her scream. It makes my heart seize up.

But I know it's better for both of us, not just me. She is a happier girl when she's well rested.

But it sucks.

And I feel ridiculous, bringing this to all of you, once again.

Question: should I leave the monitor on so I can hear her crying from the living room? Or is there no point to that?

I feel super guilty not suffering through her crying with her, even if it's from a different room. On the other hand, it's hard for me to think there's anything particularly helpful about it, either. And if there was something wrong, how would that sound different from angry crying?

Have I mentioned how much I hate this???