Sunday, February 14, 2016

In A Rut. Or Something.

I've been feeling "off" for a while. Like I've lost my groove. A little tired and run down, but not tired enough to be sick. Not exactly depressed, either. But everything just feels tiring. And lately, I'm feeling a little freaked, on a low level, all the time. Because of worrying about future diabetes, and worrying about how much money I am spending. My childcare bills are staggering.

I've been doing great with wheat free. Yesterday I had a couple bites of Calliope's granola bar at the doctor's office because I forgot my own snack and I was suddenly so hungry I was nauseous, but I think that's the first slip I've made this month. My blood sugars have mostly been very good, although a little worse the last couple of days. But zero change in my stomach. If anything, it got bigger. Though I think the arrival of AF may have helped a little in that regard.

This week is our Winter Break and for the first time, I have made almost no plans. I'm always a person that needs to get out of the house and accomplish something. But for once, I think that both Calliope and me really need to not accomplish anything for a bit. I wonder if we will get bored but so far, it's amazing. Yesterday, Saturday, I had to take her to the doctor (sore throat and low grade fever after finishing antibiotics only a couple days prior) but so far, today, we have been inside with no plans to go out. The cleaning lady was here on Wednesday and the laundry's been folded and put away and it's sunny and bright inside and oh so cold outside -- it was one degree out Fahrenheit when we woke up -- and it's all just perfect. Calliope and I made molasses cookies -- her request, instead of chocolate cookies with pink frosting! -- and it was not stressful at all because we had no place we had to go. Lovely. And rare, for us.

I decided to try talking to a nutritionist, and googled "Brooklyn Nutritionist" and found someone who offered a free consultation via Skype. I emailed her for an appointment and we Skyped on Thursday. It was great! She offers two sessions a month, focusing on food but touching of all aspects of life, like work and family and managing stress. And best of all, she sends a care package every month!

The idea of someone taking care of me a little, the working-full-time-SMC-to-two? Wow. Just wow. Worth the price tag. I need something to shift a little. The stress is just feeling a bit too much lately.


  1. "I need something to shift a little. The stress is just feeling a bit too much lately."

    That's exactly where I am right now. Damn this stuff is hard.

  2. I just wrote a comment on Shannon's blog that applies here too, so maybe read that. I think that where you are, a FT-working SMC with a preschooler and a baby, is just a really, really hard place to be. Every day is work at work and work at home for 14 hours per day, for years on end with little to no break It takes a toll. The physical demands will ease a bit within a couple years for you- I notice that aspect is so much easier for me now with kids age 4 and 6. But I feel can feel sad about how much I've lost of myself, and my own life and interests. robably the biggest thing that's helped me lately is to lower my expectations - I don't have to be perfect parent, I don't need an ideal life, I don't have to be at my ideal weight or dating or (fill in the blank)... I guess I'm saying that I try to give myself a break, 'cuz lord knows no one else is going to do it. I also think that keeping our sanity is a moving target and there's no one answer that will work - it's going to change as our life and kids and circumstances change. So maybe I've stopped trying to figure it out, too. Or maybe it's a peaceful surrender...

  3. Oh, and I also wanted to say that I think down time at home during breaks for you and the kids, now that Calliope goes to school outside of home, is really important. The kids and I spend most school breaks just lying low at home and/or doing simple local activities. That time is so important for us to reconnect and everyone to de-stress.