A Little Self Discovery in Self Care

I've been working with a holistic health counselor for a couple of months now. She's given me some interesting ideas to try, like swapping out cheese for hard boiled eggs (apparently dairy can be problematic, metabolically speaking, for women with PCOS) and having (decaf) chai tea with half a teaspoon of honey (and a couple tablespoons of heavy cream) when I get hungry at night. Apparently there's something about all the spices in chai that are particularly satisfying. News to me but amazingly, it works. And I'm not much of an herbal tea kind of person.

Last night we had one of our Skype sessions and I was explaining to her that I am having very few sugar cravings... but I'm still eating a little treat every night. Not because I crave the taste but because, I realized as I spoke, "I'm taking care of someone else every minute of the day and when the kids are finally in bed, I want someone else to take care of me."

Wow. News flash. I hadn't realized that this was my issue. That I wanted to hand over control.

I'm not quite sure how to achieve this feeling of surrender but it was an interesting insight. As was the observation that tears welled up in my eyes as I said it.

I don't know what to do with the fact that I have everything I've ever wanted, and I'm so grateful, and yet so damn tired. I don't want to waste a minute with my girls at these wonderful ages and yet I'm so spent I can't properly appreciate it.