Thirty-Four Weeks

Showing off our big bellies. 

I feel so different. My energy nosedived a few days ago. I'm struggling to deal with the piles of baby clothes scattered around my apartment. Thankfully, after a three day weekend of working on them (and barely leaving the house, partially due to frigid temperatures but mostly due to my new and total inertia), I'm nearly done. But seriously? It took three days?

I'm having tons of BH contractions and as of today, lots of bladder pressure. I'm having an ultrasound tomorrow to find out, among other things, if Tree Leaf is still breech. I'll also have a biophysical profile and non-stress test because of celebrating my fortieth birthday a few months back.

It's strange to feel her moving these day -- she's definitely getting stronger and stronger, and sometimes I can absolutely feel bony baby limbs poking out at me.

Oh, and in a weird development, the scale moved up five pounds this week. I refuse to call this a five pound weight gain in one week because I think for whatever reason, I was gaining all along but just not showing it on the scale. I checked my blood pressure at work and it was normal at 109/61 so I've decided not to worry about it too much. With my midwife's unofficial blessing (because her collaborating physician doesn't totally approve), I went back on Metformin, though. Just to be on the safe side.

I met with my birth doula today and that went well. After she left, at her suggestion, I wrote a list of emergency contacts and taped it to the kitchen cabinet. I have multiple back up people for Calliope on there as well as my two labor support people and the local cab company. And my midwife, of course. I also wrote out Calliope's daily schedule.

Calliope and I continue to talk about the new baby a lot, mostly of her initiative. She's very excited and now that her best friend Eleanor has a brand new baby brother, she's getting impatient for Tree Leaf to arrive. She's also started requesting that we read The New Baby At Your House at every nap and bedtime (fantastic book; I highly recommend it!).

Last week's theme in playschool was Babies, and after reading a book about big siblings, Calliope reported to the teacher, "Ms Kate, I'm feeling jealous!"

I asked Calliope about it that night, wondering if she understood the word. She did, so I assured her that "it's normal for big brothers and sisters to feel jealous of new babies sometimes."

She earnestly asked me, "But Mommy, why don't we just love our new baby together???"

Be still my breaking heart.

I'm trying to use language of "our" new baby, and normalizing mixed emotions, but still, it gladdens my heart to see her so excited. Even though I know some regressions are to be expected.

I'm also more impatient with her lately, due to the fatigue, and I know that's bound to have behavioral repercussions if I continue. I feel guilty for snapping at her but my goodness, sometimes I just can't bear her ignoring my requests another moment. Or her acting out at the table. Today I actually ended lunch prematurely because she spit on her plate, then committed a few more infractions despite several threats. I think in this case I actually did the right thing but she still cried as if her heart was broken. She's never had food taken away before so I'm sure it was quite a rude shock. To be sure, I don't think she was still hungry or she wouldn't have been acting out. But still.

I've started listening to my Hypno.babies CD's every night and hope that this time around I will actually get to use them.

My doula asked today "are you sick of being pregnant yet?" and I was glad to be able to answer no. But I am definitely a little tired of being tired. Just a week ago I felt fantastic. I'm hoping that the cold I feel developing in my throat is the cause of this new fatigue, and not a pregnancy symptom that will last the next six (or more!) weeks... though I'm not optimistic.

Calliope is completely smitten with Baby Leo, and can't resist constant manipulation of his
poor defenseless body. He, oddly enough, puts up with it with good grace and typically drops off to
sleep despite all the loving attention. Praying we get such a tolerant baby in our family!