Day Eleven

First time on the playmat. 

 I've been resting as much as I can, since tearfulness is usually associated with sleep deprivation for me. Amelie decided to insist on an extra feeding during the night so I was extra tired this morning.

As an aside, ugh, the feeling of waking up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat is the worst. I can't wait for that phase to be over!

I'm still waking Amelie for nearly every feeding. My midwife wants me to be feeding her at least 8 times in 24 hours but I can't quite make that goal. I can't bear to not have at least one 4 hour stretch at night, if Amelie will allow it. And during the day, I have the best of intentions but by the time I wake her up, do her little mouth exercises as prescribed by the lactation consultant, get settled with my water bottle and nursing pillow and baby, it's invariably a little more than three hours. It's worse if big sister is around.

I'm curious to see if feeding her on this roughly three hour schedule means that she will adopt this schedule on her own. Right now she's asleep most of the time that she's not eating... but eating plus burping (or attempting it, anyway -- she's not much of a burper) and changing her diaper plus rocking her back to sleep takes about an hour, though I'm cautiously pleased to see that feeding times are getting shorter. I'm looking forward to her weight check tomorrow to confirm that she's eating enough. It seems to me that her little face is filling out a bit but it's hard to say for sure. There was another baby at the midwife's office yesterday who was born a week earlier at nine pounds and change -- 50% bigger than Amelie! She looked like an entirely different species of baby, yet still had that exquisite newborn newness.

I'm feeling less emotional today but if I talk about my mom or my Calliope guilt, I get choked up all over again.

In a positive development, I've barely bled at all today. Last time, I bled for six full weeks. This aggressive approach to resting really helps. I highly recommend it! We have to go out tomorrow to the pediatrician but then Friday will be a home day, apart from going to a Seder at my friend's downstairs. Saturday will hopefully be our newborn photo shoot, but hopefully not too tiring since it will be at home? Sunday I will attempt to drive us to our weekly breakfast place.

I had my postpartum doula come last night. She's so lovely. I'm just not sure how to use her. Apart from rocking Amelie to sleep -- which sometimes requires nursing -- and diaper changes, she can't do much for the baby. And Calliope isn't so open to to the help of strangers. The doula decluttered last night, which was amazing, but now it's done. Too bad she can't pay bills and write thank you notes and call my HR department!

Apparently I'm not a very interesting conversationalist.