Monday, August 4, 2014
Actually, THIS Was the Last Beta
So at my ultrasound last week, the RE on site agreed to send one more beta for me.
A week prior, my fourth and [supposedly] final beta had been 136 (up from 56 two days prior).
Rounding up from 136 to 150, I figured my beta needed to be around 1800 by last Friday, a week after the previous one.
I finally got the results today. An email from the nurse... my beta was 2912.
Great news, right?!
Of course, I immediately started panicking... thinking that if my beta was that high, maybe we should have seen more on the ultrasound last week?
I'm seriously so sick of myself at this point. And especially, so sick of living life in limbo. I feel like the two failed two-week-waits from this spring, and then waiting for my mother to die, then waiting for this 2ww, and then waiting after the 2ww, when I got that beta of 8... and then waiting for three more betas, each 2-3 days apart... and then waiting for the ultrasound... and now waiting another six days for the next ultrasound... which might still be too soon for a heartbeat... so then waiting for another ultrasound a week (and a day) later...
If this works out, it will all have been worth it. But man, my nerves are shot.
In other news, a couple of mornings ago, I heard some noises outside my bedroom. Concerned, I called out, "Calliope?", fearing an intruder in the house. A moment later, my door opened, my heart skipped a beat, and a pleased little voice said, "Yes?"
So now she has figured out she can leave her bedroom by herself. And this afternoon, that is just what she did during nap time. I returned her once to her room without talking, as one is supposed to do. But the second time she came down, I was in the middle of a somewhat tearful conversation with the nurse at the RE office (asking her about my concerns, see above, and not getting much reassurance, just being told to "try to stay busy!"). And I just did not have the energy to enforce again.
So I offered to lie down with her in my bed. And we tried that for a while. No dice. So I gave up. She watched Sesam.e Street while I worked out. And then she did a little art project. And then we went to the pond. Which has a paved bottom and is nicely roped off and mostly, very shallow.
She is loving the water right now. She "walks" with hands on the bottom and her body floating behind her, kicking (aka flailing) her legs occasionally and saying, "Look, Mommy, I'm swimming!"
She also let me hold her on her back, twice, to show her how to float. Not that she can actually do it, but she was trying on her own, and I think encouraging that interest with lots of cheering and not too much advice is probably the best thing I can do for her future swimming. I did sign up on a long wait list for private lessons, but it doesn't look like those will pan out. (For those who suggested that group lessons can be great -- I'm not looking for years of commitment, which is why I'm not pursuing that now. Yes, babies can learn to swim, but not without a lot of hours and work and, typically, money on the part of their invested parents. Not interested. She can learn when she's older. But if a private lesson or two might help her learn a few skills quickly, great!)
Anyway, she's got brand new goggles that she loves... but she wears them to keep her eyes dry as she keeps her face out of the water. And also, you know, to keep the rain out of her eyes, and the sun out of her eyes, and generally, to look cool.