"Cautious Optimism"

Gestational age 6w, measuring 5w1d, gestational sack & yolk sack present but no fetal pole [yet] 

I had my first ultrasound today, at 5w6d (or 6w exactly, according to the RE I saw -- I'm still out of state).But my pregnancy -- intrauterine, thank goodness, not ectopic -- is only measuring 5w1d. 

There's a gestational sack present, and the ultrasound tech finally located the yolk sack, all good news.

The fetal pole is not yet visible but the attending RE seemed to think that wasn't surprising, given the size. He advised "cautious optimism." 

My own RE, via email, said "At this early point a yolk sac [sic] and gestational sac is appropriate."

When I wrote back and asked if he was concerned that I am measuring behind schedule, he responded, "It is going to be behind because of the low rising betas from the start. As long as there is a heartbeat at 8/7 sonogram (my next scheduled ultrasound), that's all you can hope for."

So of course I'm over analyzing his words and worrying about what he might have meant. For example, if I'm measuring 6 days behind schedule now, and my next ultrasound is in six days... my embryo will only be measuring 6 weeks (by size) next week. And usually you don't see a heartbeat until six and a half weeks. So if there's no heartbeat in six days, does that mean he will give up on this pregnancy?

As for me, I won't give up that easily. I, finally, have faith in this little growing pregnancy. My breasts are bigger, and I can't sleep without a shirt anymore. I've been going to bed a lot earlier. I can't sit next to an empty plate of food because the smell bothers me.

So I truly believe I'm pregnant. Fully pregnant, behind schedule or not. I think the odds are good that I won't have a heartbeat by next week, but that I will by the following week. Of course, I hope that I will next time!

It's funny, I had pregnancy symptoms (sore nipples) within two day's of Calliope's transfer, and sky high betas. And she's done so great throughout her life. I sometimes wonder if these low betas and delayed (but not necessarily slow) development will dog this poor child, should she become one, her whole life. Like, will this be her path forever? Dark and idle thoughts.  

Speaking of Calliope... she's been doing wonderfully with her summer preschool program. She protests getting ready to leave the house, and says she wants to stay home with Mommy... but as soon as she catches sight of her teacher, a huge shy grin breaks across her entire face. 

She no longer brings her Brave Bear to school; as she says, "I braved without him!" 

And she protests leaving when I arrive, after gleefully announcing, "I didn't do anything [fun] today!" 

I'm seeing a lot more whining at home, and defiant behavior -- running away, refusing to sit on the potty, refusing to cooperate. I suspect some of it is the age -- very nearly three -- and some of it is probably a reaction to my stress and short tempered fuse. Not a good match for this age! 

I'm trying to work on it, especially thanks to Shannon's mention of roughhousing. I haven't quiet had the energy for that, but today we had a slow and dramatic chase through the side yard, after arriving home from preschool, and she was laughing so hard she could hardly breathe. Surely that is good for the soul. For both of our souls.

Doesn't everyone wear goggles to the supermarket?