Eight Days

Again, not really. God only knows how many days I will still be pregnant. Eight days until my "guess date," anyway.

Today was better, at first. I woke up after ten hours of sleep (plus two bathroom breaks) feeling a lot more energetic and rested, ready to tackle some projects! I opted against a quick workout on the elliptical... given how badly I felt yesterday, I felt another day of rest would be prudent.

I got the mailing list created for birth announcements, pre-formatted for the labels I bought. I tried out my WonderWash, finally... the results were underwhelming. The blueberry stain didn't come out of my white camisole, and water drained onto the counter as well as onto the sink. A work in progress, hopefully. Then I did a regular load of laundry, including the seat for the swing and a couple of stuffed animals that somehow got missed on previous loads.

And then... I crashed. I suddenly felt like I was burning up, and even took my temperature (97.9) but it was normal, and completely exhausted, and needing to cry. I am just tired of being tired. I want some energy back. It's ridiculous that I'm exhausted and I haven't even left the building. And how could I ever contemplate being pregnant again, with a small child already in the house, if I can't get [practically] anything done. And wow, I'm tired of cat/cow poses, always sleeping on my back (to get her to turn) and sitting on the exercise ball for hours... It's doing nothing for her position, but is making my back sore.

I want to be done. I want to have this baby. And I know it's early still. I'm not even "late" (post "due" date)  yet!

I tore off all my clothes and lay down on the bed with the AC turned all the way up. And cancelled a trip to the health food store with Emily. So much for my one outing of the day. After a few minutes, it occurred to me that this needing-to-cry feeling  happened yesterday too, and got much better with eating. So I hauled my corpulent self off the bed and set off, naked, for the kitchen, where I blended up a smoothie.

I felt gradually better, and strapped on the breast pump for a few minutes afterwards, to try (hah!) to see if I could get labor going. (What a weird feeling it is. Is it supposed to make one, but not both, of your nipples sort of burn a little?) I'm still really wanting to go into labor (PRODUCTIVE labor, please!) but at least I don't need to cry anymore. Still, the days are d.r.a.g.g.i.n.g.

Hopefully my first session with the chiropractor tomorrow will help with her position... but I found out today that it often takes 6-8 sessions to get a baby to turn, not just one session, as I had assumed in my ignorance. So I'm not so optimistic. This worries me because with her head not well applied to my cervix, my cervix won't ripen. Well, hopefully at least getting my pelvis loosened up will help. After all, women do go into labor even with the baby in posterior position. At this point, I don't even care anymore about back labor, epidurals, anything. I just want a healthy baby on the outside, with a healthy mama to boot... one who will soon have both more energy (I hope!) and a better attitude.

To all those who wish they were pregnant... I'm really sorry to complain. I know it sucks to read this. I am very lucky and I have not forgotten it. I'm just eager to move to the next phase. Sorry. Truly, I am.