Sunday, August 12, 2012

I'm Sure if I Tell You This, I Will Jinx Myself

But yesterday?

Calliope slept until 9 am.

Today I woke her at 8 am, out of a dead sleep, in the vain attempt to try and make it to our brunch date with a friend.

I felt crazy waking her up! I got so much done yesterday morning.

Plus, since she's not a great napper (they're rather short, usually 30-40 minutes), I thought, "well, she's finally catching up on months of short naps."

I'm kind of obsessed with the idea of making sure my baby gets enough sleep. I've read so many things about the perils of sleep deprivation in children.

But now I'm worrying about what happens when I go back to work?

At this point, she's still waking up once to nurse, usually around 4-5 am. Since she goes to sleep at 6:30-7 pm, she's been asleep for 10 hours. My cousin has convinced me that given Calliope's weight, this is as long as I can reasonably expect her to sleep.

So if I nurse her at 4:30 am, say, and she goes back to sleep, and then I have to leave at 7:30 am, do I wake her?

Last school year, I always woke her.

But now I'm worrying that she must really need the sleep. So I'm feeling like I should let her sleep.

I know part of why I woke her last year was selfish. I couldn't bear the thought of being away from her all day without a little time together.

But I also worry, at least for the first few days back in our old routine, that she would be really upset to wake up and find me not there.

On the other hand, at least once in the last few months, I had to leave her in the afternoon and she didn't know that the nanny was there until she woke up... and she was totally fine and unperturbed.

The nanny is coming over on Wednesday, mostly so Calliope can spend some time with her -- I don't think it's fair to abruptly take someone so central out of her life for two months... and then thrust her back into the thick of things again come September -- but also to help me pack. And then the final week of August, she will likely see the nanny every day, since Nastya is babysitting for Eleanor (who we share Nastya with) every day while her mom, a teacher, sets up her classroom... I plan to have Nastya watch both girls because Calliope also loves Eleanor. So at that point, she will have seen a lot of Nastya.

Calliope has never shown separation anxiety with Nastya, but on the other hand, it's gotten a lot more marked the last few weeks... when Calliope hasn't seen Nastya. (Oh god! Is it because she hasn't seen Nastya???) So I'm a little nervous about that, too.

Then there's the added issue, for Nastya, of having the girls on different schedules. If Calliope sleeps until 9 am, and Eleanor goes down for a nap (for two hours) at 9:30, and Calliope is ready to nap for her first nap at 11 am... Nastya is stuck in the house until mid-afternoon at least (they usually go down for their afternoon nap regardless of timing of the first nap). Which she, understandably, doesn't like all that much.

On the other hand, it's not necessarily my responsibility to worry about her preferences all that much. On the third hand (if that makes sense), I'm human, and of course I want her to be happy and enjoying working for us!

So what do you think? Should I wake her?

And if you tell me that I am borrowing trouble, especially since this has only happened twice, well, yeah, I know. But I'm kind of hoping she'll keep sleeping late (14.5 hours total) because it's really nice, in the meantime, while I'm on vacation!

PS A friend came over tonight and helped me pack the kitchen. We made good progress. Between tonight's work and what I did already, I'd say the kitchen is 2/3 done. And the kitchen is definitely the hardest and slowest part of packing for a move.

PPS It's possible that there is a little misplaced anxiety going on here. The closing is tomorrow at 2 pm. I still don't have the bank check (still waiting to be told how much the check needs to be) and oops, I realized I also don't have homeowners insurance. So it's possible that tomorrow will be a hectic day. Heh. Plus Calliope is staying with a friend of a friend while I'm at the closing and I'm a little nervous about how she will react to that. Poor girl has literally never been left in this situation before... but I'm frankly, pessimistic, about it going all that well. Luckily the babysitter is a friend of a friend and has a four year old... I'm hoping the distraction provided by the four year old will help. Poor baby. I feel guilty already, imagining her cry. Is this a first baby thing? Do you get over this with your second child?

PPPS I made it to my first baby totin' brunch in the city (Manhattan) today! I'm feeling very, very accomplished. And since my friend (married) is starting her first IVF cycle, we mostly talked about that... affording me the opportunity to not feel like that boring woman who only talks about her child!


  1. Ask the nanny what her thoughts are on the nap situation and waking her up. What she does could make it harder or easier on you which is a good reason to consider her preferences. Having two babies on a similar schedule works better IMO for a number of reasons. Beyond that, if it were me, I'd let her sleep if she's fine waking up without me. If it didn't disrupt her day, I'd call and talk to her to make sure she doesn't feel abandoned while I'm gone but that's it.

  2. I agree about asking the nanny what she thinks about the situation is a good idea. Also, babies tend to consolidate to one nap per day at just after a year, so the nap issue might resolve itself soon enough.

    Good luck with the closing! I do find that the anxiety over "will baby be ok in (insert situation)" lessens with time. I think that is because we moms learn that while our babies may have a slight transition meltdown initially, they really and truly are fine in the situation sooner rather than later.

  3. Sleep can be such a moving target. For now, I'd just let her sleep in. I agree to talk it over with the nanny, and take her preferences to heart. Tanya, who watches Carys, puts the babies on her preferred schedule (within reason considering individual habits). Since she's the one who has Carys 5 days per week, I think that's reasonable. I think the nanny would be reasonable to hope that she could get Calliope and Eleanor on the same nap schedule.
    As far as the emotions around a crying baby - yes, it got easier for me as time went on with Fiona, and has been much easier with Carys. My sister has always run to comfort her kids the SECOND they cry, and tries to prevent it at all costs, and in my opinion it is not good for them. Ironically, both her kids have been major cryers.