Wednesday, December 5, 2012

A Tiny Bit of News, Sort Of

So my mom has a preliminary report on the biopsy. The tumor is "a poorly differentiated carcinoma."

In other words, the tumor isn't made of bladder cells. They can't quite tell where they come from, but think they might be cervical.

My mom goes for a cervical biopsy tomorrow, and is working on getting a chest CT scan.

So I feel like I'm weirdly hoping that this is cervical cancer, because cervical cancer is very treatable. Right?

I'm sick at the thought that it could be in her lungs. I'm hoping fervently that the fact that she had no symptoms is good. I mean, it has to be, right? Just doesn't guarantee it won't be in her lungs.

I got into bed at 8 pm yesterday because I just needed the damn day to be over. I wanted to work out this morning but Calliope was up at 5:30 am (after a 4:30 am nursing) a rare occurence for her -- asking for food, no less, and then only eating a little peanut butter -- so I spent the time with her... and put her back to bed at 7 am! It's been a very long time since she took a 7 am nap.

Calliope's diet seems to be shrinking. Today she refused to eat any fruit, something she used to love but is gradually becoming less interested in. She also has been refusing meat lately (before she used to at least eat chicken apple sausage), and only had a few bites of cheese this evening. She has started refusing yogurt with the nanny (she hasn't taken it with me in a while). She used to love toast but now only eats the peanut butter (or rarely, cheese) off the top and leaves the bread. She has always loved grapes and clementines, but is lately refusing them.

Foods she eats as of this week: peas, corn, cherry tomatoes, peanut butter, crackers, cheerios, hummus (sometimes), cheese (rarely). A couple bites of banana, but only if it's not cold.

And of these, only peanut butter, crackers, and cheerios are a sure thing.

It's making me anxious.

And yes, it's good to have something to be anxious about that doesn't involve my mom's diagnosis.


  1. I am going to be hoping to read good news about your mother's diagnosis Abby. I can't imagine how stressful it is to know something's going on but you are not sure what it is.

  2. I'm hoping for the best news possible for your mom.

    With regards to Calliope's diet, try not to worry. My niece ate the smallest amount of food when she was around that age. It terrified me that she would starve but she's a happy, healthy, normal-sized 21 year old woman now.

  3. I hope the news is good for your mom.

    Try not to worry about how much Calliope eats, I'm pretty sure a kid that age won't starve themselves, they have a better sense of hunger/fullness than we adults do. As for the variety, that will improve eventually but if she knows you are stressing about it, and she will pick that up, it could make it worse. So really relax about that! You have enough to worry about with your mom. Hang in there.

  4. Hoping for the very best for your mom.

    Elena goes thru the same phases about eating. Kids can't starve themselves & will eat when they're hungry. I can always tell when she's ready to eat because she'll become wildly cranky then eat ravenously. My Dr said it goes along with they're developing independence & need to control what they can. The best advice he gave that helped me a lot was that its up to me to offer her options & often but it's up to her how much (or little).