My muscles are pleasantly achy and tired as I force myself from my warm nest on the couch. My belly is pleasantly full of delivery (I love NYC!) burrito and I should go to bed. But my heart is full, too, so I'm taking a moment to remember this moment.
This was my first full year with Calliope. I remember a lonely and quiet New Year's Eve two years ago, stranded at my mother's house because of a blizzard, perpetually cold and tired at 17 weeks along. I went to bed early, but took a moment to whisper to my belly, "next year, I'll be celebrating with you."
And indeed, though my home movie date fell through at the last minute, I was happy to spend the day with my girl, and my evening at home. I gave her ice cream for dinner as a special treat (and if a fully belly helps her to sleep longer, so much the better). I'm going to miss her when I go back to work, the day after tomorrow. Once we stopped the potty training, it's been wonderful being home with her. She's changing every day. Today's word of the day was "baa."
After she went to bed, I watched What to Expect When You're Expecting. It was plenty stupid, but the birth scenes made me choke up, and the adoption scene had me outright teary. There's also a scene where one woman publicly denounces pregnancy and all the various ways it sucks. That made me realize, hey, pregnancy really does suck! Why has no one ever said that before? Yes, it's miraculous that there's a baby in there, growing and developing... but that doesn't mean it's pleasant for the baby's personal incubator.
I don't know why, but this was a revelation for me.
So, my goals for 2013 are simple. I'm pretty anti-resolution. So I have two experiments to try. One is to try working out in the evenings. I have a fair amount of time to myself after Calliope goes to bed at 6:30 or so. If I could take advantage of that time to exercise, I could sleep significantly later in the morning (by not having to get up early to work out before work).
The challenge will be to transition quickly from her bedtime routine to my workout, despite being tired from a long day. That will be essential if it is going to translate to more sleep. And quick transitions to working out are never my best skill... especially after work. I'm not at my best at the end of the day.
The other goal is to get up fifteen minutes earlier in the morning than I otherwise would to tidy up. A neat and organized home makes me happier. A lot. And I don't have energy at night to organize. I'm a morning person (but exercise doesn't feel as good in the morning) so getting things set for the day seems a natural fit for the morning. Assuming the evening workouts, well, work out, I think this should be an easy win.
Oh, and after being off work all week, I have observed that I seem to naturally sleep nine hours at night. Call me greedy. Probably the increased workouts -- I've done great with them over the break -- have something to do with it, and my sleep needs may die down a little, but I'd love to get more sleep during the week. I don't know if I can realistically get nine hours... but it's a good goal.
And finally, I'm hoping and praying that my mama is healthy and strong to ring in 2014. So far she has survived her first round of chemo and now that the nurse practitioner tweaked her meds to troubleshoot anticipatory nausea and migraines, it seems like the next round will be easier for her.