Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The Other Woman (or Man?)

There's another woman sleeping in my bed, and I'm a teensy bit jealous.

Well, she's not an entire woman, just a body part.

Her nipple.

I've been fine, even positive, on the prospect of a pacifier.

I was an inveterate (I hope I'm using that word correctly) thumb sucker as a child, and wasn't able to give it up until the heartbreaking accidental loss of my blankie. Thumb sucking was no good without Blankie, so the habit died a quick and painful death. But if that hadn't happened, who knows how long that embarrassing and dental misalignment causing habit might have lasted?

So pacifiers always seemed sort of great to me, because of the fact that you couldn't carry it with you all the time. So you had a guaranteed cure for addiction, right?

Although I know La Leche League and other pro-breastfeeding factions are against them, or at least, against their early use, I have already read academic literature about neonates that showed that pacifier use without the use of bottles did not affect breastfeeding success. These articles showed that babies understand the difference between "non-nutritive sucking" and sucking for business (my own term, meaning: eating).

So we first tried out a pacifier for the trip home from the hospital, and it worked out well.

Calliope first liked the "Mam" pacifier because it is designed for a newborn -- it's small enough that she can hold it in her mouth. The Avent pacifiers are too heavy for her, and fall out.

But then we introduced her to the Wubbanub, a silly looking pacifier attached to a stuffed animal. Someone had given it to me when I bought their used baby gear (the Wubbanub was unused). It seemed pretty ridiculous to me... but Callie loves it. The Soothies pacifier attached to it is pretty strange and slightly creepy to me, because it's see through -- you can see the innards of her mouth, sucking away on it.

But whatever floats her boat, right?

But two nights ago, she clearly wanted some recreational sucking time. She started rooting, and then wailed with my nipple in her mouth, while continuing to root. 

So for the first time, I brought a pacifier to bed.

And suddenly felt strange about it. 

There was another nipple in bed with us. 

It felt a little like she was having an affair before my very eyes.


I looked at the nipple more closely.

And observed the bulbous tip.

And realized... 

It looked rather phallic.

So maybe it's not another woman that's in bed with us, after all. 


  1. OMG! A phallic nipple. ROFLMAO! Yeah, not another woman ...

    Best laugh all day ... provided by an inanimate object. lol

  2. Hahaha, that's great!
    However, I am sad to report that I've witnessed a four-year-old happily sucking away on a pacifier (and it was clear she didn't need it, her parents were just indulging her crutch).