Monday, September 16, 2013

In Which I Am... Happy

This is the start of my third week back at work, though only my second week with students in the building.

Unlike a teacher, my year starts off slowly, as students usually don't get sick immediately upon returning to school. So I've been averaging about five patients a day.

I was nervous to return to work, but after a two week staycation with Calliope (and no friends around to entertain us), I was more than ready for a break from full time parenting. I adore my child... but I treasure the time more when I'm not with her constantly.

I've felt badly the last few years, while pregnant and then while caring for an infant and young toddler, that I wasn't more "present" at work. So I made a plan to be more organized and proactive at work, in hopes that greater engagement would increase my enjoyment. So far, it's working! I'm really happy at work.

And I'm really happy at home. Calliope is a delight. More on her progress in her 25 month post, but suffice it to say, she's a delight. Her language is growing by leaps and bounds and she's just a lovely little person. Most of the time, anyway.

This weekend, her little friend Eleanor started potty training. And her parents are constantly asking her, "Eleanor, do you need to go potty?"

Naturally, she responds, "No!" every time.

So I encouraged them to only schedule potty time once every one to two hours, and to stop asking. And when they decided that Eleanor needed to sit on the potty (as opposed to asking) and we were around, I asked Calliope if she would come sit on the potty too, to keep Eleanor company. And she agreeably lowered her pants -- she can lower and raise her own pants! -- and sat down companionably with Eleanor. And as a result, Eleanor would pee on the potty, every time.

What a wonderful friend, eh?

I've been going out more the last few weeks. My best friend (an ex-boyfriend from many years ago) pays for babysitting and dinner, so the only impediment to plans in the past was my not wanting to miss my girl, or my sleep. Now, I'm willing to miss bedtime now and then. And as I go out more regularly, Calliope seems to have an easier time with it, and goes to sleep more quickly.

We had dinner last night, and I loved catching up on adult conversation. And seeing an infant across the restaurant, and thinking, "I'm so glad I don't have a baby in my arms, and that I don't have to spend the whole meal waiting for things to fall apart."

I'm happy about my very slowly blossoming romance. I wouldn't say that we are dating. I'd say we like each other, and we are taking it very slow. We talk every few nights, and it's nice. I'm busy with my life. And I'm safeguarding my heart, as much as I can. I'll see him again in mid-October, and I'm mostly glad it won't be sooner. I'm trying to keep from getting too attached until his divorce is finalized. He hope that will be by the end of 2013, but I'm not holding my breath. I know that delays are incredibly common.

And I think we won't know if we even like each other enough to pursue being a couple until he's wrapped things up with his marriage. And that the tumult of a divorce could make him more needy, and that I need to be careful to not mistake that for a genuine interest in me. So I'm trying to be cautious, and I'm glad he seems to be doing the same, since my self restraint is historically not that great.

A fellow SMC is giving me banjo lessons via Skype and I'm enjoying that a lot, too. It's slow going but I love that I have this interest I'm pursuing that has nothing to do with anyone else but me.

I'm still working out, and gradually trying to work Insanity workouts into my back to school routine. I started weaning myself off lazy mornings the week before I returned to work, and started setting an alarm clock. It was painful. But I'm so grateful I was dragging around at home instead of waiting to do it at work. So now I have to learn to get up even earlier to work out before work. I've done it a couple of time so far, including this morning, but I'm not leaving myself quite enough time to finish. I haven't yet done Insanity and a bike commute on the same day.

So many great things.

The only thing that's bothering me is increasing doubts about wanting to interrupt my happy new equilibrium with T42. But that's another post for another day.

And as for my mom... well, I guess I've reached equilibrium with that for the time being as well. Her abscess is flaring up again, so more delays with chemotherapy. So we are just waiting.


  1. So pleased you are happy! I hope it continues for you. Thinking of your mum too - hope the chemo is back on track soon

  2. I'm am enjoying the start of the the school year for the first time in years. It's is quite a giddy feeling. We'll have to remember this when January and February roll around!


  3. Abby...your strength is amazing when it comes to your mommy. I will continue to send up little prayers for you, her, your brother and your family over the coming months, years, decades and centuries :)

    i saw your note on my post about the allergist not pushing the prescriptions. He did give them to me, and I filled them. But they weren't ready immediately, so I started the Neti pot and got them a day later. When Tate seemed better I put the antibiotic in the fridge for another time and the steroid in the pantry. (shhhh..I'm a terrible patient aren't I?)

  4. Been awhile since you've posted.. hope all is well <3

  5. I am also just checking up on you as we haven't heard from you in a while. Hope you're ok. X

  6. It's so lovely when (most) of life is going well and you can just feel content. As much as your mom's disease sucks, it's wonderful that there are so many good things going on at the same time. I guess that's the way life is, but it's so easy to focus on just the bad...thanks for reminding me of the huge benefits of focusing on just the good instead.