Monday, July 28, 2014

Ever More Anxiety

Thanks for all the lovely and supportive comments.

I must admit that Gwinne's comments threw me into another bout of anxiety. And so now I'm second guessing my decision. And I'm leaning towards going for an ultrasound later this week to look for a gestational sack (I'm 5w2d right now, but with low betas, I think it's still quite possible that nothing is visible yet.)

What's hard with low betas is that the absence of a sack right now MIGHT be meaningful... or it might not.

(Please, please, don't offer anything other than encouragement right now. My fragile psyche can't handle any more scary ideas.)

What I really wish, I guess, is that I could figure out a way to just chill the f*ck out, regardless. I thought I had that covered when I got my beta results on Friday. I was just reveling in that number. But here I am, back in the mosh pit of anxiety. All over again.

And truthfully... will I feel better after I see a heartbeat? Or will I start to freak out again a couple of days later? I don't think I will, but... welcome to the 35ww, indeed!

7 comments:

  1. You've just had so much going on in your life. My thoughts are with you.

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  2. We're all here pulling for you! God, pregnancy is such a pit of anxiety, isn't it??? Just think, one day you'll be sitting there with your two kids thinking, "man, I'm glad that part is over!" I think this every single day! You'll get here!

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  3. Fingers & toes crossed for you. You're right that you will likely have anxiety for the next 35 weeks. Try really hard to focus on the joy of where you are now, a BFP, doubling betas...worrying won't change anything. One step at a time..good luck & big hugs.

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  4. Abby, I apologize; my intent was not to make you freak out.

    If the goal is to avoid multiple ultrasounds and you can honestly relax into it, I agree with your other commenters that waiting is a good strategy.

    But knowledge is never a bad thing, IMHO. When my betas were wonky with my son, the early u/s gave us the knowledge that things were going BETTER than we thought. And when I had a pregnancy doomed to fail, despite normal beta levels, I had an inkling two weeks earlier than I would have otherwise.

    No, it's not a guarantee of anything, and yeah, you'd have to go back for a repeat for heartbeat check, but if anything it can give you some peace of mind that things are going WELL despite the betas.

    Wishing you well, truly.

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  5. And, FWIW, I've had gestational sac visible with a beta of maybe 700?

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  6. No advice, but sending you lots of love and support and encouragement to just do what you are able to do so beautifully in so many other aspects of your life: take it one day at a time, as it comes.

    You are PUPO! That is a very important reality.

    Hugs,

    Tara

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  7. Sending you calming thoughts!

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