Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Vascillating Between Elation and Despair

I don't know if my low beta was just a slow start, but totally within normal limits (if at the extreme end) or if this such an odd situation that I ought not to have hope.

I've stopped doing research because it was making me crazy. The typical pregnancy websites say that a beta as low as 5 can happen on the day of the missed period (mine was 8 on that day or the day after, depending on how you count it -- if you transfer a day 6 blast, I think you still count it as day 5?). So if mine was 8 the day before my missed period, then maybe that's not horrible.

But the nurse said something about this being a "late implantation" but I made the mistake of googling "IVF & late implantation" and one fertility center website said it was impossible.

The anxiety is intense. I'm glad I have a beta in the morning... but also dreading the results and the potential bad news.

Today's daily fix of pregnancy test: a darker line (though still not exactly dark, but definitely visible) in under 2 minutes.

On the plus side, I did a better job as a parent tonight. The stress has made me very impatient with Calliope, and her behavior was starting to reflect that -- way more acting out. Tonight we were both on our best behavior, possibly because she took a two and a half hour nap (she skipped it yesterday). We had a lovely late afternoon swim with my cousin and my SIL and their two kids. We stayed after they left, indeed, we stayed as long as we could because I couldn't bear to come back home. The anxiety is worse here.

Calliope can't swim a lick but she's totally fearless in the water. Just walks right in. I think she's too young for swim lessons -- or rather, it would be a whole lot of effort and money for relatively little progress. I'd rather wait until she's a little older and more coordinated. But getting her comfortable in the water is definitely worthwhile. So I think it's time to work on bubble blowing and breath holding.


  1. I hope sleep comes easily for you tonight, and that the beta in the morning holds good news for you, Abby!

  2. I believed wholeheartedly in numbers. I had good and bad outcomes to prove it. My pregnancy with my son defied all odds. I hope you have the same luck.

  3. Phew, I know that anxiety, and do not miss it. Wishing the best for you!

  4. Sending lots of good thoughts for you, Abby!
    Glad you had a good night with Calliope and she had fun in the pool.

  5. Fingers crossed! re: Swimming -- Would there be any parent and tot swim classes? I did one with M, who was too little to 'learn' anything, but she had a good time. And C might get a kick out of it, and it could set her up for doing better once she's old enough for swim lessons on her own -- learning the rules of the pool and knowing the games, etc.

  6. Felix started swimming lessons at 6 months and they really can learn a lot! The lessons focus on survival skills like floating and climbing out of the pool, and exhaling under water to avoid taking in water.

    Anxiously awaiting your next update. Come on baby, stick!

  7. Keeping fingers crossed for you

    Elena has been in swim lessons since she was 5 months old. Now at 3 she is practically swimming on her own. You may be surprised how much they can learn at such a young age.