Honeymoon?

I reckon I might be in the honeymoon phase but lord, I can't stand how much I love being mother to Calliope. (I still can't believe the word "mother" gets applied to me!)

She's just... fabulous in every way!

We had such an amazingly beautiful weekend together. She was easy going and fun and happy and willing to be passed around and god, I'm positively addicted to her silvery peals of laughter.

This is far, far better than I imagined. And my hopes were high.

My heart has never been so full. She's a miracle, and every day together is a blessing.

I know someday in the not so distant future, things may not be so easy. And I know I won't love her any less for it. In fact, I expect my love will only continue to grow as it has from the beginning.

So perhaps this is the honeymoon phase. But if this is what it takes to establish our relationship so that I stick around and don't divorce her when the going gets tough... so be it! I'm going to appreciate every moment of it.

Even if that means taking her sleeping self out of the crib, as I did last night, to bring her into bed with me.

I couldn't sleep last night and it was so nice to have her company. Later, she woke up and we both fell asleep while nursing. It was so nice to wake up and feel her little body still curled up against mine. Such a blessing, especially after a frustrating altercation with my sister (the reason for my insomnia).

Everything else falls away when I look at her.

Calliope's Very Big Day

What I did on my Very Big Day.

1. First off, as you can see, I mastered sitting.

Now to be fair, I can't do it that long.

But Mommy says that doesn't matter. If I can do it at all, without support, it counts.

I think she's kind of an idiot for posing me on an ottoman that moves and rocks so easily -- um, hello -- when I'm none too steady, but I give her props for her lightening fast reflexes that caught me when I tipped over and nearly fell.

2. I've mastered a wicked fast rolling technique (WFRT). It's awesome. Check me out on You. Tube because Mommy says that Blogger kind of sucks, especially with video.

Calliope's mad rolling skills

3. Because I keep waking myself up when I roll over in my sleep, Mommy and Nasstya successfully taught me how to sleep on my tummy! It turns out it's very convenient for keeping my thumb in my mouth.

4. As a special surprise for Mommy, I didn't let on until she got home and Nasstya had left... I cut my first tooth! Mommy was so surprised to feel that rough edge in my mouth. Now she knows why I was up four times two nights ago, and twice last night. Now if she was a really nice and kind Mommy, she would let me stay in her bed all night, understanding how hard I've been working lately to master all these new skills.

<sigh> unfortunately, she put me to bed in my own crib. Now that it's 9:40 pm, I think I'll wake up to show her the error of her ways. 

Five Months Photos

I love diaper changes because I get to do the Diaper Free
Dance, in which I swivel my naked hips rapidly from side to
side.  But here I'm distracted here by the camera.

I love being five months old!
And so does Soggy, my elephant, so named because I
like to suck on her trunk.

I can sit on the potty without help!
It's a nice place to sit and check things out.
Even if I don't use the potty in the more traditional sense.
And who doesn't like to hang out with her pants off???

Mommy, I told you that I don't need help! I got this
one! I'm all over sitting. And no, I do not need to

lean back against the cushions. I can balance just
fine like this. 

Don't worry Ma, it's cool. I'm just leaning back and taking
a breather. Not to worry.

No, this is not a face plant. I meant to do this. 

Raw Yogurt

Looking up recipes for making my own yogurt, I realized that they were, gasp, pasteurized.

Given that I want to make yogurt from raw milk, it seems crazy to pasteurize it in the making! (Pasteurizing destroys all sorts of good vitamins and things.)

And the idea of pasteurizing your own breast milk,when of course your baby drinks it raw -- what, you want to kill all those amazing antibodies in it??? -- seems crazy.

Therefore, here's the new yogurt recipe for raw milk, which can be used for any sort of milk -- breast, cow, soy. Not rice, though. Apparently it just doesn't work.

Amazingly easy.

Heat milk slowly to only 110 degrees (heat it to 180 and it's pasteurized), stir in a couple tablespoons of yogurt that you already have (must have live, active cultures), then put it in a warm place where it can stay close to that temperature for 8-12 hours (longer for thicker, more sour yogurt). I put it in a slow cooker filled with water heated to 120 degrees, and covered the slow cooker with the towel and left it overnight. In the morning, I heated the water up to 120 again before I left for work. The nanny put the newly made yogurt in the fridge a couple of hours later.

That's it!

If you have a pilot light in your oven, you can also put it in the oven overnight.

I tasted it tonight and it's much sweeter than regular yogurt, a natural dairy sweetness.

Cool!

Next up: learning how to make raw kefir. I don't know if I actually like kefir because I've never actually had it. But apparently it has amazing probiotic activity. So I'm going to order some grains... just as soon as I get around to it, whenever that is... and try my hand at it!

Gluten Free?

So I know I've "talked" to y'all about following the Weston Price diet. Using this book called "Eat F.at to Lose Fa.t."

Well.

It doesn't seem to be resulting in weight loss.

Wicked bummer.

Talking to the dairy guy at the farmer's market on Sunday, I mentioned that I was trying to eat this certain way, and he started going about, "I don't see why people need to do this! I mean, it's easy, just eat less and do more!"

And what I wanted to say was, "Listen, fucker, not for all of us! I do eat less, and I do do more. And the weight only adds up. So speak for yourself... but don't assume your truth holds for everyone!"

Instead, I said, "yeah, well, that didn't work for me."

However, I'm trying to focus on health, and hope that maybe the weight will take care of itself. And failing that, that I will lead and happy and healthy and loved life, anyway. Because weight doesn't say anything about a person's life.

Regardless, however, I'm trying to go gluten free, because I've noticed that when I eat processed carbs, I feel horrible. Drugged and headachy and sometimes I get reflux, which I've never had any other time, except pregnancy.

I did it for three days, then broke it for biscuits and my favorite brunch place, then did it for a week, and broke it for the amazing chocolate chip cookie pie thing at my cousin's bat mitzvah this past Saturday. But honestly, the main reason that I did was that I was just still hungry. Despite the big dinner of sushi appetizers, then fish and veggies for dinner.

Sunday I reached for a bagel at the cousins' brunch, giving myself permission to have it, then realized I really didn't want it. The dread of how it would make me feel has made me lose interest, I guess. I also think having more fat in my diet has made me much less interested in processed carbs.

So I have been in contact with a person who coaches this sort of eating. And this past week, I incorporated one of her suggestions -- I made organic chicken broth and ate it at (nearly) every meal. It grossed me out when I tried it during pregnancy but now I rather like it. It's nice because I get so tired of eating (I'm always hungry!), and it's easy and requires no forethought to warm a mug of broth. I even let Calliope taste it (in the tub, again... she made a horrified face at the first taste... but then looked up at me with an inquisitive face as if to ask for more). This week my goal is to make some fermented veggies. According to this woman, fermented foods really help to absorb more from food.

Fermented foods don't appeal to me in the slightest, however. I've never liked anything pickled.

But I am bound and determined to give it a try. I'm hoping that by getting more from my food, my prodigious appetite might decrease. Because I really am tired of eating all the time. It's just that I get so damn hungry.

I will say that even without weight loss, I think this way of eating may be the reason that my skin is clear. And I think maybe I have a little less hair-in-places-I-don't-want-it? I never had a ton, but it increased in recent years.

It's so hard not to be envious of others' easy weight loss. I eat so healthy, and I never eat to "full" -- I always stop at "no longer hungry" (there's a big difference)... in earlier days, this would've meant weight loss. And I exercise!

But I'm trying to make my peace with the fact that I just don't get to choose what body I get.

So I'm trying to focus on the things it can and does  do so beautifully.

Like that it carried a perfect baby to [well past] due. And that it still beautifully, perfectly exclusively nourishes her with breastmilk. Indeed, it nourishes other babies as well, since I've now donated to one baby and am in communication to nourish another. And that it's healthy and strong and vital and energized. These are all precious gifts.

I Am A Total Goat

There's an old timey expression from somewhere, I don't know, the Bible? Somewhere.

Anyway, it says, "that will separate the sheep from the goats."

I always loved this expression because I have no idea what it means. But my best friend and I decided that goat=awesome and sheep=totally uncool. Because I love goats -- so friendly and adventurous and fun and cute -- and sheep are, well, lame. They just stand there and baaaa.

Boring.

So today, I was a goat.

I ran home from work.

In the pouring rain.

It sucked in the first few moments but then it was mostly awesome. I was tired at the end, perhaps because I made the run 1-2 long blocks shorter than normal (baby steps!) but also, it seems like I am always tired at the end, no matter what.

Once I got home -- completely soaking wet -- I got an enthusiastic welcome from Calliope.

She was in the exe.rsaucer at the edge of the living room (where she could see the front door) with Nasstya sitting on the floor facing her, singing and holding Eleanor (Eleanor is definitely more needy than Calliope so I worry a little about my girl always being the one on the floor or in the "equipment" but I guess she's learning to be low maintenance? at least, I do know she gets tons of stories and singing and verbal attention).

Anyway, it took Calliope a minute to realize who I was, perhaps because I looked like a drowned rat? But then she clearly made the connection and started hooting and bouncing... and then uttering a few pathetic little cries because I didn't come right over and scoop her up (I was peeling off the wet shoes).

But it made me feel a little bit like a rock star, that she knew who I was and got excited. I guess this gets old, but I'm still sort of pleasantly surprised to realize that I'm her favorite person (me and my boobs). I get all modest and proverbially duck my head.

A Comedy of Errors

Tomorrow Calliope and I are going to a family bat mitzvah.

These particular cousins throw a kick ass party. Their first bar mitzvah was incredible. They had professional dancers on the dance floor to drag our sorry asses out and show us what to do. They had race car tracks, and that basketball video game thing, and a thing where kids could make their own bobble heads, and a thing where kids could make their own T-shirts, and the most incredible food (another cousin and I stole extra kiddie deserts -- giant chocolate chip cookies the size of a cake, all melty and warm in the  middle).

Anyway. Yes. These folks are totally posh.

Unlike my yoga-pant-dwelling self.

After a crisis of faith, I determined that I will be wearing a maternity dress to their shindig. The thing is, it's a really nice dress! And it's a wrap around! So you can't tell (I think) that it's maternity. And the V-neck wrap-around-ness of it means I can breastfeed in it.

I also found a fancy pair of heels in my closet that I don't actually remember purchasing. Luckily I can still squeeze them on my feet.

However, it's supposed to snow in NYC tomorrow so I'm wondering if I can come up with some logic that explains that it's therefore okay for me to wear to boots?

The creme de la resistance?

Well, like I said, they are posh and all.

So I decided to wax my eyebrows.

Yeah, I do them myself, because it's cheap and convenient, and honestly, I really don't care that much (for those of you who know me in person -- it's OKAY to let this one slide, you really don't have to say, "yeah, I noticed!") and especially now that I have a kid and, as you know, the lack of a partner and all. And actually, this is only the second time I've attempted it since I gave birth. So my half assed attempts must be better than total free-form, right?

Anyway, I decided to tackle them while Calliope was in the tub in her little bath seat (which she will soon outgrow -- then she'll be in a baby tub inside the big tub rather than the baby seat in the big tub, because the idea of her loose in the big tub gives me heart palpitations) so I dashed into the kitchen to melt the wax in the microwave.

I know it's extremely terrible to leave your baby unattended in the tub for even a moment. So I just threw the wax in and hit "three minutes" and didn't take the extra few seconds to program it to go at half power for five minutes.

So yeah, the wax was a little hotter than ideal. And it vaguely stung for a couple seconds during the application, but I just blew on it and it was fine.

Until I ripped it off.

And revealed the awesome salmon-pink patches on either side of my lips and between my eyebrows.

Who is cooler than me???

Five Months

I Need My Green... Quest for Spinach?

I realized, towards the end of my maternity leave, that the smell of the Swi.ffer Wet Jet was giving me a headaches... and now I find myself on this quest to be greener.

It's sort of bewildering, and sort of cool.

I didn't expect motherhood to bring this sort of change to me. But I'm happy about it.

One of the choicemoms posted a bunch of "recipes" for various cleaning agents. It sounded very complicated but they are actually ridiculously easy to make, and cheaper than the conventional cleaners to boot!

Tonight I'm making... get this... my own laundry detergent!

Doesn't that make me sound all accomplished and shit?

But seriously, it's grated Dr. Bronner's soap, wash soda, and Borax. That's it. I had to order the wash soda and the Borax from Ama.zon because I didn't know where to find them, but that's hardly a hardship. Actually makes life easier.

I've also made my own glass cleaner and floor cleaner. I need to get another spray bottle and then I'm going to make my own all purpose cleaner.

I'm using Dr. Bron.ner for washing dishes, and my cleaning lady is using a combination of Dr. Bronn.er and baking soda for the bathroom.

It's all so easy. Yet I get to feel virtuous anyway!

I threw away my vinyl shower curtain and just use a cotton shower curtain alone. It's amazing to me but it really does keep water from coming through. When it gets dirty, it goes in the laundry. Easy! I got convinced when my photographer was saying she did it for her home because "vinyl is even worse when it gets heated up by hot water."

I didn't really know that much about vinyl, never mind what it does when it gets heated up, but it didn't sound hard to throw it away, so away it went.

Now I'm researching safer bath toys and am planning to donate some of our plastic/vinyl stuff. It's a weird thing, though, to ask a friend, "do you want any of the toys that I have decided are too toxic for my baby?"

I'm reading a book called Healthy Chil.d, Heal.thy World. It's pretty interesting and not too preachy.

Next up: I'm considering getting rid of my inexpensive bedroom rug for something without glue.

PS The title is a reference to a rockin' camp song the boys' camp used to sing. I don't suppose any of you know it?

PPS I have a new camera but am having trouble getting it to download photos so that's why there's no recent shots of Calliope... maybe tomorrow night. That's what I say every night, unfortunately!

A Major Milestone

Calliope finally moved into Stage 2 diapers!

I'm lucky she took this long as we had an enormous stash (that I got free or super cheap) and we did, just in time, use it up last night.

Anyway, the size two diapers (Seve.nth Generation) have animal characters on them whereas size one did not. Have the manufacturers decided that she's now old enough to understand cartoon characters?

Another milestone... she had a couple tastes of avocado tonight! She was watching inquisitively from the tub as I was snacking on cheese and avocado while perched on the toilet seat lid (what? not where you typically snack? well, me neither, but I was starving after a jog home and it was bathtime so... ) so I squished a tiny bit on my finger tip and offered it to her. She kept sucking on my finger but somehow just gluing the avocado against my finger so finally I just pushed it into her mouth. She grimaced for a moment and I thought it would come back out... but then she swallowed. That was the second bite... I think the first was so small that I am not sure she even registered it.

Anyway, another step towards independence... I'm a little wistful tonight.

I'm not in any hurry to start solids in any real way, and plan to wait until at least six months, but it's sort of fun offering her a taste of whatever I'm eating. That's the jist of "baby led weaning" anyway, I think, from the little research I've done.

My friend Catherine was telling me that Re.al Food for Mo.ther and Baby recommends chicken broth for babies. Since my dietary counselor on eating all things Wes.ton Price advises broth three times a day, I'm planning to try my hand at making it. Shouldn't be hard... it's just about making the time. In the meantime, I bought some chicken soup from the egg farmer at the farmer's market.

But now that I think about... I wonder about how, exactly, one delivers chicken broth to an infant. It seems awfully thin and sloshy to put on an itty bitty baby spoon.

Breastmilk Yogurt!

Thanks to Casey's suggestion, I googled "breastmilk yogurt."

And lo and behold, I am not the only person who has ever thought of this!

Here's the recipe for anyone who is interested. You will see that it really is very easy.

Note: you have to use fresh, not frozen, breastmilk. (Is "breastmilk" one word or two?)

http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/Archives/I-have-heard-alot-about-breastmilk-yo/m-p/19966613


I won't be trying this right now since we're not starting solids just yet, but when I do, I will be sure to post the results.

I have made my own yogurt though, many times, and it really is remarkably easy.

And thanks to Jen for wishing me a happy blogaversary. Wow, one year! (Approximately.)

Recent Accomplishments

I think I'm starting to get the hang of this working mother thing. 


I don't feel quite as anxious about racing out of work as soon as I can, but also manage to get out quickly and efficiently, despite complicated packing routines -- I run home from work twice a week, which means changing into running clothes and then emptying the contents of my wallet into the pocket of my running jacket before I set out. The days that I don't run home, of course, I have my clothes to carry home. Including an extra winter coat (I usually just wear the running jacket to run home) and an extra pair of shoes, plus two days of lunch dishes (and I use glass, which is heavy), plus two days of pumped milk. So one day I feel oddly empty-handed, the next I am a veritable bag lady.


The other thing I'm feeling good about is that I realized I don't get much done during the weekend, between socializing and just hanging out, enjoying the unstructured time... and so I'm trying to tackle one little project each night. While still going to bed early. Tonight's project was fun, sorting through a giant bag of brand new baby clothes just given to me by a co-worker whose baby went straight from 3 months to 9 months clothing. Last night's task was less fun -- cleaning and organizing the area under the kitchen sink (including sweeping out mouse droppings... who knows how old since I've only once seen a mouse in the apartment, two years ago) and putting a very little bit of poison under there because I've seen a water bug hanging out in the kitchen. It was horrifying. Giant and scary in every way.


The big accomplishment of the last two weeks... drum roll please... is that Calliope has started sleeping eleven hours at night. 


In. A. Row.


Glory be.


She's not doing it every night, maybe every second or third, but they are picking up in frequency. 


She still wakes up around five or five thirty to nurse (she's been going to bed around 6:30 the last few nights, extra early because she suddenly just gave up her evening nap). We nurse in bed and snooze together until it's time for me to get up and shower. She keeps sleeping in my bed until a few minutes before seven, then we change her diaper and potty her (usually unsucessfully, but I always say "thank you for trying!") and get her dressed, then we nurse again in the glider until the nanny arrives. She's not usually very hungry at that point but I think we need that time to start our day together. Or at least, I need that time together.


In the last few days she has started to swing her top leg in large circles while nursing. I thought at first she was uncomfortable and needed to be burped (we still do this in a half-hearted way) but no, it just seems she just has energy to burn and body parts to be explored. No time to waste, not even while nursing. 


She takes a bottle twice while I'm gone, every four hours, then nurses when I get home from work, and again once more before bed, about every two hours. She only takes about 10 ounces during the day so I'm guessing she gets well more than half of her milk directly from breastfeeding, which is nice for both of us. I wish I enjoyed breastfeeding in bed more -- it's okay, but sometimes distracting to have someone nibbling on me (that's what it feels like when I'm sleepy) when I want to be sleeping. I do enjoy having her in bed with me for the last part of the night. 


Two nights ago, she rolled all the way over onto her stomach. This time she was far enough over that she could actually push up from one arm. The other arm was, of course, still trapped under her.


She seemed surprised by her new vantage point, but not upset to be on her stomach nor to have lost the use of one arm. 


Mostly, she lies on her back and pulls her legs up into the air, into an "L" position, and then swings her hips to one side or the other. Over and over again. 


She still hasn't gotten her feet into her mouth -- which was the goal for this past Saturday's photo shoot -- but she certainly finds her toes interesting! I've asked the nanny to keep her barefoot in the house because I figure it must be good for her to get familiar with her feet. 


She no longer wants to lean back in my arms to read stores -- now she sort of perches on my lap and leans forward to look more intently at the pictures. She's also starting to grab the pages of the board books and -- I think -- try to turn the pages.


I'm not planning to start her on solid food any time soon, certainly not before six months -- Mommy has to work through some sadness about not being her girl's sole source of sustenance first -- but last night I couldn't resist offering her a bite of this amazing local yogurt I got at the farmer's market. I put the tiniest smidgen on a baby spoon and touched it to her lips. Her mouth opened lazily to taste it... and then she stuck her tongue with a definitive air to say, "Ick! Get that nasty stuff away from me!"


I'm betting that yogurt is a lot more sour than nice and sweet human breast milk.


Wow.


I just had an idea.


I wonder if I could make... breast milk yogurt?


I used to make my own (bovine) yogurt. It's not hard. You just stir in a spoonful of yogurt (with live active cultures) into milk, heat it gently (I think to around 110 degrees but I'd have to check that) and leave it in a briefly warmed (but turned off) oven overnight.


Am I a total weirdo for suddenly wondering about this??? 


I think so. But I might try it anyway. In a couple of months.


Ack. More like a month. 


Girlfriend will be five months in six days.


That sounds really old for a baby.

Photos

Her devilish grin (in Hanukkah finery) cracks me up...
and how about those patent leather Robeez???
(that's her amazing nanny holding her)

My girl has become quite the avid thumb sucker... just
like her mama was

Getting better every day at using her hands (and less so her feet) as tools

her first time in the pool was a huge success -- she loved
it! I think she's going to be a water baby, also just like
her mama! (see the previous post for an even better photo!)

This new friend knew just the right way to bounce
Calliope, causing gales of laughter.
Yes, she's wearing jeggings. Yes, they are awesome.

The End of a Beautiful Year

"Swimming" for the first time

I just went back and read my very first blog post, from January 24, 2011. When I was just starting to believe that I might actually have a real live baby... some day. I was twelve weeks pregnant and had just seen my Lentil looking relatively human for the first time, via ultrasound.

And here I am, a year later, with an absolutely live baby. Who is such a darling.

We got home from our trip to Florida this afternoon (through a glitch in scheduling, we ended up being driven home in a stretch limo! too bad it was wasted on an infant who didn't know the difference) and I was tired so I just plopped us both down on our freshly made bed (love having the cleaning lady come while we are gone!) and after a relaxing nursing session, I just lay on my side and watched her grin at me as she experimented with waving her feet in the air, sucking on her "taggy" blanket, and making exploratory sounds.

When I had a bit more energy, I filled the tub and we both got in for a nice year-end cuddle together. At one point I was lying down and she was sitting astride me and she kind of leaned forward so I cuddled her on my chest. She kept trying to find my nipple but would miss by an inch, then lurch back to the center of my chest to find her thumb for a few moments of contented sucking, then lurch back to the right and again miss my nipple. Back and forth, over and over. It was pretty entertaining to see her land in the same WRONG spot over and over, and to keep giving up and going back to her thumb. I knew she wasn't particularly hungry but eventually I took pity on her and guided her to the right spot.

After the bath she went down for a nice long (still going) evening nap. She's been sleeping like a champ during our vacation despite a total break in routine. I've ended up waking her for bedtime most nights and after nursing her somewhere around 9 or 10, she's been sleeping until 7 am. Wonderful!

Anyway, what an amazing year it has been. I think my pregnancy was mostly pretty easy, apart from the nausea of weeks 6-11 (no vomiting though! which is luckily because my brother just gleefully informed me that I am emetophobic -- having an intense, irrational fear of vomiting. I already knew about the feeling, just didn't know there was a name for it.) Of course, what I mostly remember of pregnancy is the very end, when I was lurching around like a yes, beached whale, in the thick heat of August, grossly swollen ankles and sore back. Things got better once I passed my due date -- it was like I finally gave up "meeting my deadline" and just rolled with the punches (and kicks). And then, yes, labor.

Labor sucked. So bad.

But whatever. It didn't last all that long (18 hours) in the grand scheme of things. And it's over now. Long since. A distant memor.

So labor sucked but my baby... wow.

I was very glad to be prepared by others' stories of not falling instantly in love with their baby.

I didn't feel repulsed or anything like that. I was happy to see her and "meet" her, but it's not surprising to me that just being handed a naked and crying baby doesn't a relationship make. It didn't phase me at all. I was excited to get to know her.

But now. Ah.

With every passing day my heart swells a little more. I know I have a million more discoveries to make about who she is, I'm just at the proverbial tip of the iceberg right now, but what a little darling!

Tonight, my first night home from work after our 10 days of vacation together, was just perfect. Except for the failed attempt at an evening nap (she just cried, which made me feel bad). So when I rescued her from the crib, we lay on the bed in the darkness for a while. I nursed her for the second time since arriving home, and then we just lay there quietly, grinning quietly at each other in the dim light of the nightlight. She played with my fingers while I reveled in the fact of her. Then I turned on the lamp and left her lying on the bed while I put away the remaining pile of stuff from our trip (it had been stored in the bassinet until Baby Eleanor came for daycare... and then dumped on my bed). I put a couple of toys on the bed for Calliope to play with while I tidied but she was uncharacteristically mellow and just lay there.

So when I finished cleaning up, instead of rushing her off to the bath, I brought a stack of board books to the bed instead. We lay on the bed with her head cradled in the crook of my arm and read. She loves her bath, but it was so nice to not rush into a blur of activity, but to just slow down. So we read all the books, with her turning her head every few seconds to sniff my chest, and then nursed again. Still no sign of sleepiness. So I carried her out into the entryway to the changing table, where, miracle of miracles she peed on the potty (we practiced making lots of "Eh" and "Ah" sounds while she was on the potty, me copying her) before being zipped back into her new Sleep Sa.ck. Then we nursed one last time in the glider (lucky for me she was unusually interested in nursing tonight because I forgot to bring the breast pump membranes to work today, and hand expression totally sucks, but not in the way one would hope) and then snuggled and rocked in the glider for a few more minutes before carrying her back to her crib where she settled right down and went peacefully to sleep.

It was just perfect. She was unusually snuggly and I did a really good job of just slowing down and being with her.

Someone shared a new expression with me, "the days crawl but the years fly," that I really liked. I already had the idea in my head but it's good to always be conscious of it.

I remember a year ago New Year's. My mom and I were supposed to drive to my sister's in the Berkshires but there had been that blizzard (remember that?) and it was too snowy to drive. We had been stuck in the house for several days and my mom, never a great conversationalist to begin with, and I had just run out of things to talk about. On top of that, I just couldn't get warm that entire winter... I'm not sure if it was pregnancy related or just the fact that I was further north and couldn't get acclimated to it. So my mom and I went for an early dinner out (quiet and cold are what I remember) and then came back to her house. I was so cold and tired and headed up to my room. I think that was the first time I talked to my Lentil. And I wished her a happy new year, and told her I was so excited to spend the next New Year's Eve with her on the outside.

So this year, Amy and Baby Eleanor came over on New Year's Eve and we put the babies to bed and watched a movie, and then they went home and at 11:50, when I was ready to go to sleep, I gazed down at my gorgeous sleeping babe and blew her a kiss and gloried in the amazing year I have had.