Friday, January 20, 2012

A Comedy of Errors

Tomorrow Calliope and I are going to a family bat mitzvah.

These particular cousins throw a kick ass party. Their first bar mitzvah was incredible. They had professional dancers on the dance floor to drag our sorry asses out and show us what to do. They had race car tracks, and that basketball video game thing, and a thing where kids could make their own bobble heads, and a thing where kids could make their own T-shirts, and the most incredible food (another cousin and I stole extra kiddie deserts -- giant chocolate chip cookies the size of a cake, all melty and warm in the  middle).

Anyway. Yes. These folks are totally posh.

Unlike my yoga-pant-dwelling self.

After a crisis of faith, I determined that I will be wearing a maternity dress to their shindig. The thing is, it's a really nice dress! And it's a wrap around! So you can't tell (I think) that it's maternity. And the V-neck wrap-around-ness of it means I can breastfeed in it.

I also found a fancy pair of heels in my closet that I don't actually remember purchasing. Luckily I can still squeeze them on my feet.

However, it's supposed to snow in NYC tomorrow so I'm wondering if I can come up with some logic that explains that it's therefore okay for me to wear to boots?

The creme de la resistance?

Well, like I said, they are posh and all.

So I decided to wax my eyebrows.

Yeah, I do them myself, because it's cheap and convenient, and honestly, I really don't care that much (for those of you who know me in person -- it's OKAY to let this one slide, you really don't have to say, "yeah, I noticed!") and especially now that I have a kid and, as you know, the lack of a partner and all. And actually, this is only the second time I've attempted it since I gave birth. So my half assed attempts must be better than total free-form, right?

Anyway, I decided to tackle them while Calliope was in the tub in her little bath seat (which she will soon outgrow -- then she'll be in a baby tub inside the big tub rather than the baby seat in the big tub, because the idea of her loose in the big tub gives me heart palpitations) so I dashed into the kitchen to melt the wax in the microwave.

I know it's extremely terrible to leave your baby unattended in the tub for even a moment. So I just threw the wax in and hit "three minutes" and didn't take the extra few seconds to program it to go at half power for five minutes.

So yeah, the wax was a little hotter than ideal. And it vaguely stung for a couple seconds during the application, but I just blew on it and it was fine.

Until I ripped it off.

And revealed the awesome salmon-pink patches on either side of my lips and between my eyebrows.

Who is cooler than me???


  1. Abby...I don't know if it's the wine I consumed at dinner, the fact that I should be in bed asleep as Tate will be up in 6 1/2 hours (5:30 am most likely) or what, but I'm laughing so hard I'm crying.

    P.S. I kept scrolling down for the picture I just KNEW you posted!!

    Have fun tomorrow!!

  2. I'm sure it's not as bad as you think, and the pink marks will fade by tomorrow. And/or, just use some makeup (gasp!) to cover them up. I'm sure you're going to look gorgeous, but it won't matter, because (no offense!) all the attention will be on Calliope, anyway! ;) Have fun! And mazel tov to the bat mitzvah girl!

  3. Ack! I hope it turned out ok...