The Calm Before the [Franken]Storm

All of New York City, and perhaps all of the northeastern United States, is battening down the hatches and preparing for Sandy.

I don't have a television -- well, actually, I do, but I don't have cable service -- and I can't seem to find my radio -- I haven't used it in months since reception was poor in my old apartment -- so I'm feeling very out of touch. I've looked for information online but just reading the coverage, it's hard to feel that emotional charge that is conveyed by a breathless newscaster.

Still, I'm a little anxious.

I was never nervous with a storm before. But somehow, feeling that responsibility that a parent carries... it's different.

I'm feeling preoccupied with my need to protect Calliope, even though it's not at all clear to me what I need to protect her from. It seems wildly unlikely that our lives will be in danger. So I don't know what else there is to worry about.

But I'm still sitting here, wondering if I have enough water stored (two kettles, one big soup pot, plus one half gallon jar... plus the bathtub, for use with flushing). And I don't even know for sure that I wouldn't have access to water if we do lose power! My friend's husband says that in their building, the water is not powered by electricity.

But hearing the wind howl through the leaky windows in my top floor apartment... I'm keyed up.

There's not many cars on Ocean Parkway, the major thoroughfare outside my building (my apartment faces it), though I'm hearing more ambulances than usual.

It hasn't started raining yet, yet I'm wondering if I should sleep in Calliope's room, on the floor. I have no idea why that would be helpful, except that I feel anxious about being further away from her. This is a time I wish I could pull her into bed with me. Unfortunately, she is exceedingly fond of her crib and I don't think she would spring for this plan.

It's very disconcerting to see how different this storm feels, now that I am a parent. Calliope was just ten days old when Hurricane Irene struck, and I was so battered by her birth that I was scarcely aware of it. My mom was clearly in charge of our safety and took us back to Massachusetts where I could recover. This is very different. I'm the grown up here, the only one, and Calliope relies on me entirely.

It's a heady responsibility.