So my plan had been to attempt to conceive late next fall, so that Little Sibling would be born a couple of weeks after Calliope (hopefully) starts at full time public pre-k in the school where I work.
I figured she'd be well established with her own life and I could stay home and nest with my little one.
But then, thanks to my childhood friend, Emily, I realized that the plan might backfire. Calliope might feel very much pushed out of the nest in favor of Little Sibling.
Emily suggested that I consider having the baby in the spring so that Calliope's life would otherwise be the same, apart from this one big change. She'd continue with her nanny and her preschool co-op and I'd be around to smooth over the rough spots, but also have some free time to lie around with Little Sibling. (For silly reasons having to do with short term disability, I'd prefer to give birth during the school year. And I need to keep my nanny, regardless of whether I'm home, so Calliope might as well be with her.)
This idea feels really right to me.
But also really revolutionary. Because I was expecting to start trying next November or December, and now it looks like I might start trying in May. Of this year!
I can't believe it. Can't believe I'm ready to rock the boat when things are manageable but not what I'd call easy. But I think it may not feel truly easy for a long time.
I've been feeling baby hungry these last few days. Not that that's indicative of anything, really -- I mean, they are sweet, helpless newborns for about five minutes, and then you're so sleepy you can't really enjoy it -- but it's certainly helpful when contemplating the craziness of another pregnancy, childbirth, and toddlerhood.
Financially speaking, it all feels pretty foolish, but I'm stubbornly refusing to think about it. I have some safety nets and I'm, once again, trusting that things will all work out.
Technically speaking, I've got nine 5-day blasts. I'm planning to start one month earlier than my ideal, as I think I'd rather have a baby a month earlier than I prefer versus a month later. I know, people make plans and God laughs. But my 5-day blasts have pretty good odds of success, I think. Although I tempted fate by transferring two embryos last time (and actually was disappointed not to conceive twins!), I now know that one healthy baby is my desired outcome. It's scary to me now, to realize all the health risks with twins. So I'm planning to do single embryo transfers next time. If it doesn't work the first two attempts, perhaps I will reconsider. But maybe not, too.
If not of my blasts work, I think I will consider it a message from Fate to be content with my lot, and will move on with my life.
So May it is. (Unless my mother -- who is quick to present the downsides to any plan -- convinces me otherwise.)