It was a great year. My girl has grown and bloomed. Life is getting a bit easier. She's talking more and more, and it's fascinating. I love getting bigger and bigger peeks into her little mind.
Watching her dance around the living room yesterday, New Year's Day, stark naked, I felt so blessed. Her gorgeous little body, lit up by sunlight. She's not perfect, but she's perfect for me, her wholly imperfect mother.
I could do a better job of things, for sure, but on the whole, I think I'm doing a great job with her. There's plenty of limit setting and lectures and consequences... but that's the card you are dealt when you have a toddler.
There's lots of smiles, too. At night, as I sing her goodnight songs -- first "You Are My Sun.shine" and then the Shema, a Jewish blessing -- she tries her hardest to make me laugh, mid-melody, by chortling in a hearty fake laugh. It usually works. I start cracking up, and sometimes have to drop her into her crib and run for the bathroom. She loves it. We laugh and laugh together.
My mom got sick this year. And that's terrible. The long term prognosis isn't good, not at all. But the good news is that the chemo is working, for now, and she's feeling better than she has in a long time. Calliope (and her mother) bring Grammy a lot of joy in an otherwise quiet life. So that's a blessing, also.
Life is all so good that it seems crazy to change it... but I think that 2014 will be the year that I begin to trying to bring another child into the world. I think I'd like a four year age gap, or maybe a month more.
It's breathtaking to consider being pregnant again. Mostly not in a good way.
I can't imagine being that tired again. And raising a toddler at the same time. Last time, I took a two hour nap after work. Every. Single. Day.
Until my midwife finally ran routine bloodwork at the end of my second trimester, and diagnosed anemia. Taking iron supplements meant I finally felt human again.
I was starving every morning, and too tired by evening to want to eat. My compromise, as prescribed by the midwife, was to have a smoothie with protein powder for dinner each night.
But I'm pretty sure I can't make my toddler have a smoothie for dinner each night.
The nausea hung around until the end of my first trimester. Protein, not carbs, made me feel better... but the sight of cold chicken made me want to hurl. That limits my options.
My feet hurt after standing for five minutes, long before I was showing. How do I manage that with a toddler who still wants to be held? (I understand that she doesn't need to be held, and I do try to limit it, but she's still my baby and she still needs comforting now and then.)
Then I worry, what if my child is an &ssh*le to my second kid? Will it be the great tragedy of my life? This happened to a friend of mine. And sort of happened to my brother and I -- we fought horribly. It was miserable.
Ooops, I didn't mean for this post to turn negative.
Despite my many fears, I'm cautiously excited. Although I can easily imagine all the hardships, it's hard for me to anticipate the joys. But I had the same issue the first time around, and I'm happier than I could ever have conceived, heh, of.
Here's wishing we all have a joyful and healthy 2014.
|Making cookie... I got to taste plain sugar for the first time|
I didn't like the outfit Mommy picked, so I picked this summer shirt
with winter PJs. For best effect, it's important to tuck in the shirt
really tightly and then pull the pants up as high as possible.
Ready to visit our downstairs neighbors. No matter that we aren't
going outside and that it's after dark. Sunglasses are about
fashion, not function.