Sunday, January 5, 2014

Taking A Break From Romance

After a reader comment a while back that I was posting about romance too much, I've been hesitant to share here.

But another reader asked for an update, so here's the news, in a nutshell.

Old Flame and I have been spending increasing amounts of time together, nearly every other weekend. And not just a Saturday night date thing, either, but an entire weekend, or much of one.

It was great... a lot of the time. Other times, it felt weird. Like we were out of sync, somehow.

I'll leave out a lot of the pondering and musing I did, and leave it that I decided, and informed him, that we need to take a break. That the fact that he isn't divorced yet is muddying the waters too much.

What I told him is that things feel like they are moving too fast, given the fact that he is still married. But in truth, and upon further reflection, it's more than that. It's that our heads and hearts can't be in sync while so much of his energy is tied up in the marriage, and in the as yet undecided situation with his daughter.

What's cool about this is... I feel absolutely great! I have no regrets. I'm not sad or lonely. I feel 100% confident that I will be completely happy if we never get back together. If he does get his act together, and we try again, and it feels good, well, then that will be great, too.

Pre-SMC journey, I don't think I would've ever had the strength of conviction to ask for a break. I wouldn't have respected my own needs enough. And would've let things fester, and become resentful, until at last I just ended things.

Now, I know that I have a fantastic life. My gorgeous child, my wonderful village of friends, my supportive family, my healthy work life balance.... it all leaves me so fulfilled. And if he wants to be a part of that life, he's got to get his act together. That's on him. But my happiness, that's all me, and it's unscathed by him. I am, and will continue to be, happy.

I love dating as an SMC. I'll never be dependent on a romantic prospect for my happiness again.


  1. It sounds like you are in a very healthy place in your life right seem in balance. :)

  2. It's so awesome to hear how much confidence you've gained from being SMC & how that confidence is spilling into the rest of your life. Also, try to remember that this is your space & you should be able to talk about what ever you want.

  3. Thank you Tiara for that last sentence...I was going to say the same thing. Abby this space is yours and yours alone. Kind of "Take what you like and leave the rest" for your readers.

    P.S. I'm really happy you are so happy!!! xoxo

  4. It's gratifying to hear an example of what I had hoped - that becoming an SMC changes your perspective while dating and makes you feel more in control and less likely to put up with things that don't feel right (because deep down you're desperate to have a baby)!

  5. Um, seriously? You can post whatever you want here! I like reading your posts because they go where few of us do right now. :)

  6. I love it when you talk about dating! And I agree with wottadoll, it's just lovely to hear you talk about men from a place of empowerment and peace, rather than the desperation I have so often felt. It is my hope that as I start out on this SMC journey I will also feel the same way in a couple of years, with my beautiful children at my side. Congratulations on doing all that inner work to get you to this point :)

  7. I too think that you should post whatever you want here. This is your space. Write about dating, about work, about your life as SMC, your friendships.

  8. Post whatever you want. It's your darn blog. That poster probably has issues with romance or the lack of it in their life. Good on you for choosing to stay in the tangible moment of your life and not the what-if of his

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  10. Write about whatever you want and about what relevant in your life at the moment. I personally enjoyed hearing about a little romance since that hasn't been relevant in my life lately.

  11. I too enjoyed hearing about your romance and equally that you feel
    great even though you have taken a break. Glad life remains full of the things that are important to you.