|My camp friend Kelly came for a visit from Syracuse.|
Doesn't Calliope look like a strange and bald one year old
here? Somehow she looks really tall. But she's wearing
a 3-6 month outfit, so I promise she's not that tall!
|This is a picture of the view (more or less) that I have of the top of Calliope's|
head when she's in the Beco carrier. I want to always remember the sweet
feeling of her downy head and chubby fist snuggled against my chest.
Thanks to everyone for your lovely and supportive comments, even when you probably think what I am doing is nuts. That's what I love about the SMC community -- that we can be there and support each other, even when we would do it differently. Thank you!
Last night Calliope only woke up a couple times early in the night, and was content with the pacifier. (Note: I will be so happy when we are done with the swaddle and she can get the pacifier or her hand to her mouth without help! I'm not sure when to try that...) When she squawked at 4 am, I got up to feed her, but realized her eyes were still closed, so after giving her the pacifier, I got back in bed. Then she didn't wake up again until 5:15 am!
Last night was our first night with only two ounces in the bottle.
She seemed sleepy after she finished the bottle so I was hopeful as I put her back in the crib and got back in bed.
But it was not meant to be.
She squawked and murmured vague discontent for a while as I lay wide awake, tormenting myself. I am a facilitator of a group called Intuitive.Eating (there's a book by the same name) and from that have learned not to schedule my own meals too strictly. I have no prohibitions against snacking for myself. I believe it is important to listen to one's body, not to a clock. I never wanted my child to not be able to eat when she is hungry, or to learn when she's "supposed" to eat by what the clock says... I just wanted to help her sleep through the night! Because it seemed like a good idea, in a sort of a "why not" kind of way. Truthfully, if she needs to eat once during the night, I'd don't really mind that much. I just figured that if she didn't need to, why not skip it?
Finally I couldn't stand it anymore, and got her up and out of the crib. First we tried snuggling in my bed, then we tried snuggling on the couch. At 6 am, I nursed her a little bit, for about three minutes. Then I tried to snuggle her again on the couch, the bed (her nose was stuffy so it was hard for her to breathe) then back to the couch again. Then I nursed her some more. And finally I decided, at 6:30 am, to just get up with her.
We went back to our respective beds at 7:15 am (after being up since 5:15 without any of my many attempts to get us back to sleep being successful) and now I'm up again at 8:45 while she sleeps. (She continues to take a three hour nap every morning and afternoon. Last night she also took a thirty minute evening nap. She's trying to give that one up.)
So here's my new idea, for the moment. What if I can just work with her on pushing back the time of the feeding, a few minutes each night? Five am isn't a bad place to start... I will probably want to feed her at about 6:30 once I go back to work, anyway. (That will give us forty-five minutes together... she will probably go to sleep within a few minutes of arriving at daycare. That's a whole other anxiety -- how will she sleep in daycare??? That's another post.)
As for my concerns about scheduling her feeds... Well, once we solve the sleeping question we can re-think that. But the flip side of my concerns is that I like knowing she will only take two bottles at daycare, because that means the rest of the time I get to nurse her. But if it's going to give her weight/eating issues later in life, I will hate myself...
Ahh, the joys of the guilt that comes with motherhood!