Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Best Patient Comment of the Day

I had a sixteen year old girl come in today for a scheduled appointment, and when I asked how she was feeling, she said she has been peeing a lot. And she's not peeing very much at a time, even when she feels like she really has to go (urgency). But no pain when she pees. (And no fever, back pain, abdominal pain, chills, incontinence, foul smelling urine, or anything else, for Shannon and any other medically minded folks reading this!)

So I did a pregnancy test, and it was negative. (First step with adolescent patients for just about anything: confirm they are not pregnant!)

Then I did a urine dipstick. I wasn't sure what to make of the results... might be a urinary tract infection, might not. So I shared them with her.

"Hmm," I say, "you've got some protein in your urine."

"Protein? Is that because of what I am eating?"

"No, protein in your urine has to do with your kidneys. They are supposed to screen out the protein. Sometimes they don't do this because you have a urinary tract infection. Sometimes there are other reasons for this."

Apparently not hearing my answer, she adds hesitantly, "Because on Monday, well, I had oral sex. And we, um, used whipped cream. That has protein in it, right?"

Poor girl.

(For the record, whipped cream on your genitalia, especially two days ago, would not  cause protein in your urine.)


  1. Thank You! This is hilarious, gotta love those silly teenagers:)

  2. LMAO!!! Poor girl! And poor you - how'd you keep a straight face with that one?

  3. I had a student write in his report on infectious diseases that unsupervised sex caused STDs.

  4. Kids- they sure think they know everything but really know so little.

  5. Wow...this story points out how woefully immature I was at 16. I was using whipped cream on my Jello! Sigh, always a late bloomer. Thanks for the laugh!

  6. OMG, why do I find that so funny?