I had more acupuncture today, again with the electric current attached to the needles. The baby moved a ton, and I've been feeling lots of pressure on my bladder, so I was hopeful.
However, I saw the midwife after acupuncture... and was told I am "only a fingertip" dilated.
She says my cervix feels softer, and originally thought the baby's head was lower, because my fundal height went from 39 cm last week to 37 cm this week... but.... nope. It seems she's maybe just more scrunched up.
At least it does feel to her that the baby is moving a little bit less posterior... though definitely not anterior yet.
I gained three pounds, which is surprising, given that I've been gaining one pound every two weeks at most, but whatever. Some of that is certainly in my ankles.
My midwife does not feel like birth is imminent. She does not want me to use the breast pump to stimulate labor, as she fears that if I did go into labor with the baby's head so high, it would be a very long, arduous labor.
I nearly dissolved in tears in her office, but managed to hold it together by just getting very, very quiet. I'm tired of this. Tired of being tired. Tired of worrying if my sister will be here for the birth. Tired of being so damn hot. Tired of being so ineffective.
I understand now why Shannon said that she was worried she would be pregnant forever. I now wonder if I really am going to have a baby, or if my bedroom is now set up as a juvenile furniture showroom just for kicks?
My sister is worried about her seven year old daughter, alone with cousins in another state. My cousin who is watching her vented (via email) to me about how hectic it is for her with another child in the mix, and that I needed to send a gift to my niece to thank her for her sacrifice (which I had already done, earlier this morning)... and so my sister wants to go back to MA for a bit. At first she was saying just for a night, then it was for 24 hours, then 24-48 hours, now it sounds like Wednesday-Saturday.
It makes me sad because it was feeling so good to feel chauffeured around and catered to. To be the star of someone else's show.To feel like I didn't have to worry if I went into labor because someone is here. And now, after having her here for two nights, to already be facing having her leave... it's tough.
Yet she is leaving the decision up to me. But is it really right to ask her to stay if she could do so much more good in MA? How do I weigh my perhaps frivolous wants with her missing her daughter (presumably), my niece missing her mother, my cousin feeling stressed by hosting my niece (though tonight she denied this feeling to my sister on the phone). Is this the lot of the SMC, and I've just been lying to myself?