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This is just a super quick email because I'm trying to keep my mom from knowing about this blog, and in a one bedroom apartment, it's hard to keep secrets!

We came home Thursday. What a long adventure! Just getting the car seat buckled into the car (which my mom did while I watched) was exhausting.

But I am very, very glad to be home. We are both settling in nicely.

Sometimes it's a bit of a rude shock to realize the enormity of my responsibility (mainly when I'm exhausted in the middle of the night and she wakes me up to eat again), but I've only felt that a couple of times.

Mostly I am just filled with joy. She's so tiny and sweet and I can't get over the fact that she is all mine. At least until she becomes her own person.

Breastfeeding is going well, except that despite a great latch, she's been slow to pee. In the hospital, the neonatologist made a big deal of this, and threatened to admit her to the NICU for an IV because she hadn't peed in her first 24 hours, unless I agreed to supplement with formula. All the other staff seemed to think this was crazy, but he was top dog. Then my blessed nurse actually dug through the trash in my room and found a diaper with urine in it. Phew! My friend had been on diaper duty and just hadn't seen it (it's easy to miss, especially when there is meconium everywhere!)

I ended up giving her about 2/3 of an ounce of formula during the night anyway that night, after she nursed for two hours and was still rooting. My nipples just hurt so much at that point. But then her diapers stank horribly for the next 24 hours. So I am hoping not to have to do that again.

And now I don't think I will have to, as my milk came in yesterday. I went from a D or DD (originally a DD in early pregnancy, but my bra seemed big by the end) to a G yesterday! Holy moly!!!

So my mom carted Calliope and I over to the nursing bra store yesterday to get me fitted. It was a good first errand as the woman who owns the store is a lactation consultant, and had a place for me to sit and nurse, complete with a breastfeeding pillow. Then we went for lunch with an SMC friend who is in town from Cambodia for just a few days. I was exhausted by the end, but it was good to get out.

I want to write out my birth story as soon as I can, but at the same time, it's a little intimidating to face it. So emotionally intense and also, there are a lot of bits and pieces that I don't remember until people remind me.

But the big thing that's affecting me right now is the fact that I hemorrhaged after she was born. My hemoglobin was 13.1 when I was admitted, and dropped to 7.5 by 36 hours after her birth. So I am on very strict orders to rest, despite feeling not too bad.