Scared

My friend Emily just told me that inductions carry a 50% chance of C-sections.

I'm not scared of a C-section at this point.

I'm scared that this means my midwife won't induce me.

I recognize that I have gone off my rocker at this point. That waiting just a bit longer shouldn't be a big deal.

But I'm so tired of being so tired, and feeling so completely boring and cranky all the time.

All my desires to have a natural childbirth... well, they are still there, sort of. In that I would be happy to have one if it could start tonight.

Otherwise, drug me up, please! Let's try some Pitocin, and probably an epidural to boot. Elective C-section? Sure!

I know that being a brand new mom does not mean that I will be my old self again.

I will be some new self, probably pretty nutty even if I don't have postpartum depression... and I think I have a decent chance at that, too. (For the record, what will be, will be, regardless of the timing of the birth.)

But I just want out of this me. Now. I don't even recognize myself anymore.

Please.